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  • All is fading

    ~

    1374345_428866260551116_277612646_n
    ~
    You left and took your love away.
    And left me wondering in pain
    just whether all my tears were worth it…
    You cut the cord and reaped my heart out,
    and left me wandering just where I’m standing.
    It felt like all was disappearing, turning into haze,
    as I was standing. And in the loudness of the streets,
    realities colliding, the timelines gotten smudgy,
    but I’m still standing. Observing as time flies
    and everything is changing, yet I’m here.
    I look down at myself, I see the whole,
    the hole of darkness in my soul –
    it’s eating me alive,
    my core is gone. I am dissolving.
    And suddenly I realize –
    reality’s not fading,
    it is me that’s going home.
    And you’re not with me.
    And you didn’t leave me,
    just  my faith did, so I’m gone.
    I’ve returned to where I started,
    My bones have turned to dust,
    my heart’s still missing,
    but I’m here.
    I see all changing,
    Standing still – it’s back
    the way it used to be.
    I’ve let all go.
    I’ve let it in.
    I’m hurting.
    All is fading.
    .
    ~DW

  • ~

    jl-embrace

    ~

    As long as I can love you,
    I will stick around, I will be here.
    as long as you still love me,
    I will breathe the air as though you breathe it too,
    as though you’re close there, near me,
    as long it’s shared with you.
    For you’re the reason,
    you’re the source of me,
    my God,
    the one my heart will follow,
    and always has.
    My everything,
    forever.
    And I will walk as though you’re
    always there where I am walking,
    and you are wrapped around me
    as the grass turns greener
    and as your eyes appear,
    weaved outside time and matter,
    with their darkness both
    so bright and also warm
    with warmth of blossoms.
    And still you’re everything.
    My love is all I feel,
    your warmth is all I see.
    I love you.
    And I always will.

    .
    Love
    ~j

  • Of Jade’s Letters Pt.2

    ————–
    9 March 2014
    ————–

    Good Morning,
    Will!
    Good Morning,
    cousin Wapiti Joe!

    I know I have been busy lately…
    and didn’t have much time to write to you,
    but I just dreamt something rather weird,
    thought it was worth sharing!
    (Seems that my quantum poetry is slowly turning to…
    quantum paranoia revelation poetry… ) 🙂
    And still…
    I thought you might have a laugh with me at my craziness!

    img_071111

    ~.~
    I had the weirdest dream again, my Love.
    This time – did not include you,
    I was the middle of attention.
    Quite much – it was a little scary.
    My life was somehow turned to a „reality“ –
    a so-called-show,
    on TVs and on Radio – receivers,
    and in Internet…
    And everyone was watching.
    So fascinating!
    The feeling that it gave me was –
    I’m made of glass, but just until I knew the truth.
    The feeling afterwards was even stranger –
    as though I’m made of stone – dissolving in the air to nothingness.
    Like everything. Exposed. I love the truth.
    I do not know how I discovered it,
    but everyone I knew were there.
    Some strangers going crazy over it,
    as it was cut off from the air,
    as if they’re breathing it (the show),
    for real, as if they cared.
    The neighbor, several fields away,
    had missed the show and started shouting,
    brandishing an axe and going mad, so loud,
    that I could hear him over here…
    My ex-boyfriend was directing this whole time,
    and I think his mother was the one who told me,
    saved me maybe, with the truth
    and wasn’t even really mad at me,
    as I visited and broke her giant FAN.
    Celebrities were taking part as well,
    Beyonce – lovely woman,
    introduced me to some Jerry Springerfield.
    Some others, following me all around,
    got worried as we disappeared to underground –
    an endless hollow – hidden school, still in construction,
    yet many students seemed to live there.
    And I had to use their toilets and the showers
    (somehow I remembered it, it was all different).
    The big director, my ex-boyfriend,
    after knowing that I know,
    invited me to join them, dinner with his mother,
    he’d decided finally to let it go,
    and just be honest.
    Introduced me to his girlfriend
    (one of two, at least, they said),
    a blonde girl, rather sympathetic,
    and I liked her, and we laughed and ate.
    There were some unfamiliar games to me as well,
    I don’t remember what I dreamt exactly,
    but there was a blurry thing with carts and hats,
    I do not know, and does not matter.
    The more important thing was –
    everyone was gambling on me,
    and it was brilliant!
    Yet insufficient, love, you see…
    For money is a game, indeed,
    and we might win this time, I pray –
    just let it flow and let it gather,
    but also, more importantly,
    do let it stay!
    Make money turn to more somehow,
    the way the big ones did it – played with it,
    but let us have, at least, the common goal,
    a common project…
    And I think, we might achieve it.
    I’m so thankful that you hid it!
    The half of it, the money that was generated,
    should be used on our behalf –
    the ‘Selfless Humans’, finally…
    And let’s prepare,
    The New World Order,
    based on peace,
    on common sense
    and consciousness
    is here!
    Believe it!
    Let it be released!
    And trust in common knowledge!
    And believe!
    I love you all!
    And wish You
    Health
    and
    Love
    and
    Peace
    and
    Inner Light!
    And let it neutralize,
    the Source is Cosmos!
    And it’s the same both on the inside,
    and out there!
    Love you so much!
    Thank You, that you care!

    ~.~

    img_071021
    ————–

  • The Big Wapiti Joe´s Adventures Book (The Whole Part 0)

    Maybe you remember
    how a while ago
    (If not take a look inside Jade´s Letters, 26 Nov 2013)
    we got lost in times and spaces…
    Well it took a while,
    but the pieces of the puzzle
    are finally starting to
    come back together.And the plot-line
    had uncovered!Still the most important part
    of plotting remains
    to remember
    that
    Not Every Line´s a Border
    and
    Not Every Border´s a Line.
    Thank You!1265031_505768062851413_1993270576_o~.~~~~
    Part 0.1
    ~~~Some time ago,
    you might recall,
    the forest threw a wicked party.
    We might have had invited
    some unfamiliar guests
    (which no one really knows for sure,
    the parties here tend to get a little wild
    at times.)
    But anyway, we all had gathered
    by the fire, while Jade was telling
    us a story – the one with her admirer,
    the secret lover-teacher-pirate ghost
    who used to live above her
    in an old apartment building.

    We all were listening quite carefully
    when suddenly…
    Oh! No! –
    The Earth had started shaking,
    the whitest bright light had embraced us
    in a second.
    So blinding and breathtaking.
    Was it fear? My amygdala responded –
    ‘yes, my dear, indeed! that´s fear!’
    …Well.. should I run now? –
    I jumped aside, but I was blinded
    by the light. Then shockingly the trees and all
    start cracking. It felt as though the ground
    was split in two.
    And all the animals were shouting…
    What was I supposed to do???
    I must have fainted…

    For about a moment later, maybe two,
    I´m waking up – the humans and the animals
    all bent above me and in shock –
    stuttering some stuff:
    ‘The shaman and the time’…
    ‘The warrior… what happened?’

    ‘I do not know, now, let me see…’
    I replied, then dusted myself off a bit.
    I stood up and looked around,
    the others were now quiet.
    And so was all – I took a second look,
    the fire – running low,
    no wind, no sound –
    a stagnant flow.
    ‘Something must be wrong, I know.’-
    my heart was telling me.
    The darkest darkness following
    this brightest light!?
    An empty feeling in my stomach
    telling me my heart was right.
    It´s all so quiet now. And all so dark…
    We needed to deliberate.
    Alanis says.
    …We sat there and discussed,
    the humans were so nervous and suspicious,
    could not concentrate at all,
    at least the other animals were with me,
    following my every argument,
    the bestest team that one could ever ask for!
    Cooperation´s not our privilege,
    it´s our nature!
    The humans though, they had to strive a bit
    when working under pressure…
    …Quickly we had come to some conclusions.
    We had to find the source of all this mystery occasion.
    There were (at least we thought so) several options –
    a sorcery was possible – dark magic from within the Woods,
    or maybe (quite the usual) –
    a human failure with machinery of sorts,
    or just the Universe had had a seizure.
    (there were some even stranger suggestions,
    but let´s stay serious here, as the topic demands…)
    So first thing´s first – we needed to investigate.
    We sent the Eagle for surveillance from above,
    the Wolf was our connection to the city –
    he had a german shepherd Dog as friend.
    The other animals remained the way they were –
    to keep observing here, our modest camp.

    While we´re discussing,
    the humans had just noticed something –
    that some of them were missing.
    The Shaman and the Warrior –
    our special guests,
    had mentioned something of a mission –
    a castle in the Woods
    they were supposed to find and conquer
    and to rescue someone´s wife… I think…
    (I did not get that very clear,
    the humans were all trembling…)
    Yet my first thought was –
    ‘That must be our hint!’So we proceeded in the night,
    My cousin Jade, her husband Will and I – Wapiti,
    took off into the wilderness to find this secret castle.
    (Little did we know back then that it would later on become our home…)
    The Woods were dark, we had to walk a while
    to reach up that abandoned road,
    that was supposed to lead us there (as the Eagle had reported.)
    At the crack of dawn we reached the dusty path.
    It seemed that no one visited this place for years.
    We continued silently until we stumbled on a spring.
    We stopped a bit – the humans had to get some rest and take a sip,
    then find some food. And as we searched I noticed something –
    my lovely cousin seemed not to be very happy.
    Usually when she smiled (and to me it seemed she´s always smiling),
    the whole space filled up light and colors and sensations.
    But her aura seemed so messed right now – all greys and muddy greens and filthy shadows. Something´s wrong – I looked at her, she turned her head the other way – there was a problem and that was her sign for me, her eyes had never had before avoided me… Was she so frightened?
    ‘Come with me, Wapiti, please!’ – she´d read the questions from my mind
    and reaching out her hand she had me follow her away from Will.
    ‘I am not scared…’- my cousin whispered. – Please, close your eyes and take a peek inside my head.
    She sat down quiet on a stone, her eyes were shut, her mind wide open, allowing me to view her visions…

    In a fraction of a second she showed me all she´s been through
    in the last few decades. She´d never had allowed me so much deeper…
    I will admit, I was quite overwhelmed with what I saw – there was almost as much sadness as there was her bliss…
    But the last part of her insights bothered me the most…
    I looked at her and worriedly I asked her:
    ‘Jade, what´s wrong, dear? Are you sick? … and all that´s happened –
    all this flashing and the earthquake… did you know about them?’
    ‘Yes, love.’ – she replied. – ‘I knew it´d come,
    just wouldn´t have expected it so soon.
    And Wapiti, dear, please do not tell the others
    but it´s time for me to go…
    I´ve been sick for years now and I hid it for the best of all.
    Will noticed, I believe, but hasn´t said a word –
    he´s so involved in all his schemes and games and riddles,
    that he neglected me a bit…
    I guess he thought that I would stick around forever
    (and how I wish I could), but you know me – love is all I am.
    And recently I noticed that my husband´s love for me is slowly dying.
    So am I – it feels like I’m dissolving into thin air.
    I´ve been getting weaker all this time
    and all he tells me is – ‘Hold on, be like me, be stronger!’
    But I´m not, Wapiti! I´m so sorry!
    Oh… how I wish it wasn´t all a game for him,
    but I can see it now – he´s just a man
    and sometimes men just have to let things go
    just to learn and grow…
    And remind themselves of what they had forgotten.
    That´s what he always teaches us, you know?
    So I´m sure that Will can manage…
    And the rest, the Woods, love… Oh…’
    My cousin Jade had burst in tears…
    It broke my heart to watch her
    and there was nothing left for me to say –
    I just sat and watched her turning greyer.
    ‘Kiss them all and tell them that I´ll miss them
    and although I might not be there anymore…’
    sniveling she added,
    ‘…know that, dear, my love for them forever shall remain!’
    And she went silent for a moment,
    bowed down gracefully and from her shoe she took and gave me
    a little bag she said I’m not supposed to open yet.
    ‘Give it to the twins, they´ll need it!’
    ‘Wha..’
    ‘They´ll need it!’
    ‘What twins – I was about to say, but you did it,
    (Read my mind again!) Right?’
    ‘Yes.’- she smiled!
    (my baby cousin smiled again and she’s so pretty!`!! Oh… –
    my heart´d just sighed.)
    ‘They´ll need it… when you meet them.’ She replied.
    ‘I cannot tell you when and why –
    you´ll know when it´s the time.
    I have to go now.’
    And she disappeared as usual,
    leaving me bedazzled in her way.
    …I turned my face back to the spring
    and saw her standing with her husband.
    And I could hear them speaking as I saw…
    A tall blond man approached the other shore.
    The haze above the water made him look unrealistic.
    His skin was shimmering, his heart lit golden –
    shining through his naked upper-body skin.
    the golden light reached with his hand
    above his head – the hat of straw –
    and as he took it down
    in front his stomach
    his deep blue eyes were lit –
    he´s staring Jade as if he owns her…

    At first I thought she hadn´t seen him
    ´cause she went to Will and said:
    ‘I love you, Love. I´m always with you.
    And you know it.’
    She kissed him slightly on the cheek and added:
    ‘I´m glad we had a chance to be together.
    But I will have to go now,
    meet my shepherd…’
    And she reached behind her back
    and showed towards the stranger.
    Then she looked him in the eyes,
    like hypnotized, she smiled (still grey-ish),
    entered through the water
    and swam out towards him,
    kissed the Sheep who´s drinking water
    on the forehead and stood up
    facing the warm stranger.
    They looked each other in the eyes
    as if they knew it all,
    then hugged and kissed
    right there – in front of Will.
    I looked back at him just to see
    Will´s jaws are paused – wide-open,
    (had to check – mine too!),
    his eyebrows showing me
    she just had left him too – bedazzled –
    in her own way.
    But what had actually happened?
    Who´re these twins Will did not even know about?
    And what had actually happened?
    Seemed to me as the beginning
    of a wicked mystery-adventure,
    that was bound to happen
    (Jade would say.)1174971_505765139518372_1697558838_n~~~
    Part 0.2
    ~~~We stood there in the morning mist –
    the Spring, my dear late cousin´s husband Will and I – Wapiti,
    (no idea for how long),
    we could not grasp just what had happened…
    My lovely Jade was gone –
    she´d let this unfamiliar man just take her with him
    and left us with a bunch of memories
    and with some baggie
    (for some twins I had not met yet.)
    The dawn kept cracking
    and as the sun rays start to burn
    I turned and noticed –
    Will´s expression hasn´t changed a single bit.
    He stood there with his jaw wide open
    and in shock –
    he could not comprehend or say a thing –
    so devastated.
    His aura started changing too –
    from living creature (human) to a mourning statue.
    ‘Something needed to be done.’ –
    thought I to myself. – ‘There must be something I could say.’

    And at this very moment a noise came from beneath the bushes –
    the Snake – she´d witnessed all –
    ‘It´s time to change’ she said in calming manner,
    ‘I heard the Wolf is on his way…’.
    ‘You hear that?’ – somewhat hopefully I turned to Will.
    His eyes, though, staring still – the water surface.
    And he wasn´t blinking (which had got me worried now a bit.)
    ‘Hey, Will?..’ – I turned to him again.
    ‘Wha… What´d just happen? No… that wasn´t real.
    I feel her still.
    That simply wasn´t real…’ – he murmured.
    (He neither moved his head, nor blinked.)
    ‘Now that´ssss denial…’ crawled the snake right there between us
    and just before she disappeared she turned to us and added:
    ‘And the Wolf is on his way. He´ll meet you at the cassstle.’
    Something in her eyes suggested there´s a smirk.
    (I never got her sense of humor.)
    What I was mostly worried now about, was Will, and his denial,
    and how were we supposed to go on through our journey
    when we were both so broke and devastated?

    ‘Should we take a rest?’ – I asked him unconvincingly…
    (I did not think he would recover…
    He seemed to be a walking-dead.).
    ‘I do not know…’ – he answered, opening his mouth the slightest bit.
    And then just fainted – a ton of sorrow collapsing to the ground.
    For a second there I thought I lost him too,
    but as I kneeled to him I heard him breathing
    so I took him on my back, I found the road and carried him along.
    …I must have walked for hours,
    the road was dusty and my mouth was dry,
    and Will was huge and lifeless –
    not an ease to carry,
    but in my determination that there´s something we could do
    I was so absent-minded and I didn´t notice,
    how myself too was getting breathless.
    It was afternoon – no shadow on the heated path,
    my feet seemed not to play along no more –
    and so I felt myself as well – collapse…
    And as my eyes unwillingly got shut
    and brought myself to sleep,
    my carriage fell from me and rolled aside…
    My eyes…I didn´t…


    My head…



    And my eyelids…


    felt so terribly…


    heavy…


    …***
    I woke up jumping on all four –
    someone´s sniffing up my butt! –
    The Wolf!
    He found us!
    ‘What?!
    Hey!
    Where is Will?’
    I looked around still partially asleep.
    The sun was setting – the Sky was brightly red,
    the darkness – starting to absorb the valley way ahead.
    ‘Yeah… Where is Will?’ – I knew now where I was,
    so I insisted.
    ‘And what were you…? You know I´m not that kind of guy!’
    ‘I´m sorry, Joe! I could not help it!
    You were sleeping like a baby
    and you have a butt.
    It needed to be sniffed.’ – the Wolf just patiently replying.
    ‘And Will – he´s up! He went to get some wood for fire.’
    The Wolf majestically sat down as he said that
    and just waited for me to get more awake.
    I shook my head and it all started coming back –
    the sorrows and the shocks and all…
    I took a second, looked around again
    and with the heaviness inside my chest returning,
    all I could say was, with a sigh:
    ‘My cousin – Jade´s gone missing…
    I think we lost her…’
    ‘Yes, I know – Will told me.’ –
    with the deepest, wisest, soothing voice
    the Wolf replied.
    ‘But I can sense there´s more…’ –
    he thoughtfully then looked aside.
    ‘How´d you mean that? More…?’ – I asked, encouraged.
    ‘I do not know yet, but there´s more – the flash, the mystery,
    the village and this chaos… There must be more, I tell you…’
    (And as I thought of it,
    the Wolf was right!
    These twins, the bag that no one knew about!?!
    The Wolf was definitely right –
    there´s more, we just don´t know it yet.)
    ‘Yes..’ – he got me feeling somewhat better.
    ‘You probably are right,
    there must be something else…
    Now what about the village…?’
    And as I said that, before even finishing my sentence,
    my cousin-in-law shows up running
    out of trees and bushes,
    throwing woods and sticks above his head –
    shouting something really scared…
    ‘…chases me…’ – is all I can distinguish.
    We ran towards him in a hurry.
    And as I got to him, the Wolf was checking up
    inside the bushy cluster
    where the human´s trails were…
    What the hell was chasing Will?
    He went inside the bushes
    and a second later
    came out crawling backwards,
    belligerently growling to the darkness.
    Both Will and I turned startled
    to see what was about to happen.
    What came behind him
    I had not expected!
    ***
    ***
    About three times the size of Wolf,
    with roars, from which my teeth got chills
    and my back fur – goosebumps…
    Perhaps the most breathtaking creature
    I had never yet encountered –
    a Bengal Tiger!
    She could´ve raptured our Wolf in halves
    but suddenly she looked aside and noticed me –
    the most fierceful creature´s eyes
    that ever in the world met mine.
    ‘Wait!’ – I shouted to the Wolf.
    The growling stops, but she continues to look at me.
    Then reverberating in my mind –
    a deep, majestic female voice says:
    ‘You!!!’…
    Her eyes are piercing my soul…
    (How did she know me?)
    She turns around and walks back to the darkness.tiger-eyes-im-genes-gratis-y-fondos-de-pantalla-escritorio-292273
    I deliberated for a second,
    but inside of me I knew
    what the Tigress wanted me to do.
    ‘I think she´d like it
    if we followed her.’ – I said and went her way.
    ‘Wapiti, wait!’ – Will reached and tried to stop me.
    I turned around and looked him seriously in the eye,
    walked past the baffled Wolf
    and noticed he was nodding
    towards Will, inviting him
    to disobey his fears.

    And so he did.
    I heard them following me to the darkness.
    I sensed the Tigress´ trails before me.
    Her sheen presence lit the paths she raced on
    as she led us deep inside the forest.

    We followed her in silence.

    ‘I think we´re here – I lost her presence.’
    I turned around and told the others.
    ‘Ok… Now what?’ – discouraged Will replied.
    The Wolf was sniffing something in the air.
    ‘I sense another trail!’ – he said. –
    ‘Some humans!’
    Will looked at me anticipating.
    ‘Take us to them, Wolf!’ – I asked.
    We followed him around,
    but I already knew –
    the butterflies inside my stomach
    had reminded me along the way –
    the secret bag that Jade had hidden
    in the white spot fur, right across my chest.
    And as we followed our Wolf,
    I had another of Jade´s visions come back to me,
    so I saw them right before I saw them –
    there they were – the Twins.

    Some ancient oak, at least few meters wide,
    and they were standing right beside it –
    two hairless naked creatures,
    shimmering green silver
    all around their palest skins.
    A grown-up male and female,
    standing by each other, holding hands.
    The Wolf and Will could not believe their eyes.
    At the safest distance they´d remained, I noticed,
    as unknowingly I carefully approached the Twins.
    I did my best just not to scare away those creatures!
    I somehow got three feet away,
    the female reached towards me,
    stretched her hand and waited,
    looking at me strangely.
    I don´t know why, but I felt safe.
    The creatures slowly tilted both their heads.
    I think they were awaiting –
    this surreal look of them…
    I almost had forgotten…
    Of the package.…
    Their energy was just so soothing.
    I approached them, calmly went a little further,
    so that the girl could reach and touch me.
    I looked back just to check
    with Will and Wolf –
    entranced they carefully attended
    all this seeming wizardry
    that happened in the Woods that night.
    The female took the bag right from my chest –
    I had no clue what I was hiding
    underneath my fur,
    right by my heart.
    She took it out – it seemed she knew…
    I noticed something as a steel reflection…
    And…
    Oh, God!
    A razor blade!!!

    !?!

    minority1


    And they cut their veins,
    right there – in front of us,
    wide open.
    And as they are collapsing gently,
    touch the ground as if they´re weightless,
    a single word exhaled by both of them –
    ‘…love…’ – they simultaneously whisper…
    And somewhere in between these foreign voices –
    again… this feeling of resemblance –
    I could swear I heard Jade´s echo somewhere…
    And as they touch the ground I notice –
    they´re feet and knees – entirely rooted –
    so much weeds and grass and branches
    were slithering their bodies,
    they must be waiting there for ages.
    And now they´re dead.

    I looked down – again bedazzled and misunderstanding –
    as I heard some distant cracking.
    I looked up as within a moment –
    a several huge leaps and there she was again –
    the Tigress.
    I stepped few feet away until I felt behind my back –
    my company approaching to protect me.


    Again…
    We all were rendered speechless
    and our feet and hoofs and paws were frozen.
    …Those mystic Twins…
    They were so unreal and innate pale
    and now all this…?!?
    What´d Jade put us up to?
    I did not think there´s any less that I could comprehend,
    but there I was, again,
    my jaw´s wide hanging,
    some naked dead bald grown-up twins
    and there she was –
    bewildering with beauty,
    this furious enormous female Bengal Tiger,
    now calmly stepping over those two suicidal bodies –
    protects them, as if they are her own,
    bows down to us and gently growls,
    then barfs a little at our feet and hoofs,
    but not just anything, I notice –
    a tiny perfect greenly-shaded mirror ball –
    some sort of unknown mineral,
    appeared from deep inside of her –
    a stone we are supposed to take –
    (she bows and nods at me.)
    The piece is so obscure
    and it resembles something,
    something so familiar –
    an aura.
    And I sensed that Jade must stay behind this too.
    Somehow.

    ~~~
    Part 0.3
    ~~~

    1476152_1382940641960304_1320426083_n1

    ***
    [And it seemed for just a moment
    that she had it all under control.
    ´cause what happened after that ensured me
    that all that happens, happens for a reason
    and all that is or was or ever will be
    is (and is!)
    the way it is(!)
    supposed to be!]

    They disappeared.
    Just vanished.
    All of them!
    All three!
    The twins, the Tigress,
    the razor blade, the Oak as well?!

    First their colors started slowly fading,
    then they turned all cloudy
    and…
    My eyes got somehow shady,
    somehow white…

    like the haze the twins had turned to
    entered me and…





    ***
    I must have fallen asleep again,
    I cannot recall anything –
    it´s all blurry.
    But I know I woke up
    from another earthquake
    and a flash…
    I jumped awake.
    A dreadful headache.
    I felt sick.
    And the others weren´t there.
    It got me more than scared.
    As I was standing
    opening my eyes (the light was blinding),
    had to blink a little to adapt,
    but as I opened them completely,
    I noticed it was day already,
    and the thick white mist was back…
    I slowly started walking
    but I didn´t know where to –
    irreversibly disoriented,
    I was lost…
    (Oh.. s**t!)
    I think I started panicking,
    my mind was blocked,
    I tried to shout
    by then my throat repelled,
    A shock attack developed…





    And I must have fainted…
    ´cause again I woke up,
    stood up on all four,
    dusted myself off a bit,
    I looked around and –
    there they were again –
    my cousin’s husband Will, the Wolf
    and something felt so weird…
    I loped towards them and I noticed
    they were as well disoriented,
    they also didn´t know what hit them.
    But as I got nearer
    I received another vision –
    the blue-green crystal
    had to do with our mission.
    (somewhat random…
    but I felt it…)

    ***

    ***
    We approached the dusty road again –
    the three of us – the Wolf,
    my cousin´s husband Will and I –
    but none of us had said a word.
    Something told me
    that the other two did not experience the second flash,
    (as I did),
    I tried to grasp it, to explain it to myself somehow –
    I couldn´t,
    but it (for some reason),
    didn´t bother me at all.
    We just were going.
    All we knew was,
    that we have to find this castle
    and perhaps it´d turn all clearer.
    Silence.



    ‘Now that´s what I call Sunset!’ –
    the Wolf in his deep voice said,
    pointing to the valley with his snout.
    None of us replied,
    but he was right –
    it was outstanding.
    A magnificent horizon had unraveled –
    a valley, veiled in creamy mist
    and layered pinks and reds and purples
    and the Sun was wishing us good night.
    He´d seen our whole adventure
    and supportive warmly promised to be with us
    in the morning. So I thank him.

    We continued in silence
    and we got a few miles further
    as Will said something for the first time
    since the night began:
    ‘She was all to me, you know?!
    I still cannot believe she´s gone,
    I still can feel her…’

    I pitied him a bit –
    for still denying it
    and yet my senses also told me –
    that he might just be correct.
    ***
    1604820_357218174418122_823889882_n

    ~~~
    Part 0.4
    ~~~

    ***
    I was thinking all night of what Will had said
    and I was just about to answer him
    as Wolf stopped walking and speedily implied:
    ‘Guys, look!!!’

    In the distant morning haze we saw it –
    a warmly lit castle with a partially visible vast garden.
    Without noticing it all three of us speeded up
    and almost galloping we arrived at the gates.
    They were colossal.
    And locked.
    (Now what?!)

    Will fell down almost suffocating
    (choked his lungs out –
    wasn´t used to sprinting,
    as the Wolf and I).
    But he made a sign –
    he was ok.
    Stood up and smacked the golden gate forcefully
    with his whole palm.
    Nothing.

    He hit the door again…
    Then again..
    And again…
    ‘HELLO?!?’… –
    he shouted with his whole lungs.
    Again nothing.

    Then he banged again,
    but this time began to rapidly
    hit and kick the door
    and to shout desperately…

    (‘Do something!’)-
    I looked at the Wolf.
    He nodded. –
    ‘Hey, WILL!!!’

    Will didn´t hear a thing –
    he was crying with tears
    and shouting random stuff about
    how she´s still alive and it isn´t fair
    and pleading how they had to open the door
    and cursing the Shaman and the Warrior.
    (who were supposed to be inside…)
    but no one answered…
    ‘WILL!!! STOP IT!!!’ –
    had to snarl the Wolf and show his teeth a little.
    Will was really desperate.
    The Wolf stuck his head right before William´s head
    and repeated louder:
    ‘WILL!!! STOP IT!!!’

    This time it shook him –
    he took a few steps backwards
    and collapsed to the ground,
    on his buttocks and back.
    He had turned all grey and yellow –
    his paleness got me worried.
    But at least he was silenced.
    ***
    (A madness…what a madness…) – I thought to myself.

    ***
    Still silently crying, Will crawled to the side of the road,
    curled up
    and still murmuring something about Jade,
    gradually fell asleep.
    ***

    292994_341740009248747_860767440_n

    ***
    I must admit –
    it was a relief.
    He got me a little scared –
    I thought he might hurt himself somehow.
    ‘I think that´s what they call break-down.’-
    I turned to the Wolf.
    He smirked.
    And as he did that, something apparently
    caught his attention,
    ´cause his ears were now pointing up
    and he suddenly looked alerted.
    ‘What, did you hear something?’

    He didn´t answer, instead quickly turned around
    and disappeared into the bushes
    around the eastern castle wall,
    sniffing in the air above him.
    Until I even got the chance
    to understand what happened,
    Wolf came back out,
    carrying something
    (twice the size of his head)
    in his snout.
    He bowed and gently put it on the ground,
    near by the gate of gold and stitched with light.
    ‘What is it?’ – I couldn´t see it,
    it was getting dark,
    so I got nearer.

    ~~~
    Part 0.5
    ~~~

    Eastern_Box_Turtle_Head

    ***
    The nightfall was already covering the Woods.
    I approached the Gate to get a better view
    and noticed – what the Wolf had brought
    was not a ‘something’, but a ‘someone’.
    The Turtle was the Woods clairvoyant.
    We´d all heard of her, but rarely had someone
    the chance to really meet her.
    It was said she chooses by herself
    who she´d see and what she´d tell.
    My heart was pounding in my chest –
    for some reason this encounter had me so excited.
    (It was somewhat of an honor,
    were we now the chosen ones?
    I felt a little flattered.)

    Reeeeeaaally slowly something started moving.
    Reeeeeaaally slowly from the shell were stretching now
    a head and her four limbs,
    supporting her to
    reeeeeaaally slowly stand up and to
    reeeeeaaally slowly look around.
    My heart – still beating rapidly –
    and this slowliness was getting
    my head real impatient.
    (‘Oh… that´s gonna be one loooong long night…’) – I thought.

    But I was surprised, for as she started speaking –
    in this so amazingly calm matter,
    yet with a completely normal rhythm
    (which contrasted somehow to the way she moved.)
    And her voice – extremely beautiful,
    coming out from deep inside her dark-green shell,
    the acoustics made it sound
    as if some tiny bells accompanied her speech.
    She looked at Wolf, then slowly turned to me
    and calmly smiled a little as she reeeeeaaally slowly blinked
    (or closed her eyes and fell asleep –
    I wasn´t really sure that very moment.)
    But it turned out she was blinking.
    Then she said:
    ‘Thank you, Wolf. It would´ve taken ages
    ´till I reach you by myself.
    I almost thought I might´ve missed you.
    Got lucky that the Gates are locked.
    How are you? Is your friend there sleeping or is he dead?’ –
    she moved her head few millimeters, pointing us to Will –
    he really seemed to be  so lifeless.
    ‘No, he´s fine.’ – I said. –
    ‘That´s Will, my beautiful Jade´s sleeping husband.’
    ‘Oh, I can see now, it´s a human.’ – she replied.
    ‘But where´s the other one? The fourth?
    This other human – “Jade”, you mentioned…?’
    ‘Oh… However sad this might just make us,
    I admit – we think she´s dead.
    She´s gone from here, at least.’ – I bowed my head.
    ‘I´m sorry, dear to hear that.’ –
    the Turtle slowly started turning,
    her intention was to walk away.
    ‘I must have been misled. Goodbye.’
    ‘Goodb.. What!?…Wait!’ – the Wolf stuttered. –
    ‘Aren´t you supposed to show us something?
    Thought you´re the clairvoyant
    and we´re the ones you searched and met…?’
    ‘Yes, dear. So I thought as well.
    But as the prophecy had said –
    I had to find the four of you.
    But you´re just two instead.
    And a half… if we would count this human there –
    half-dead.
    I´m sorry. You are not the ones I was supposed to meet.’
    And as she nearly finished saying that
    the Eagle landed at my antlers – emerging from the twilight.
    ‘Hey, guys.’ – he said.
    I´m glad you made it here.
    There´s something you should see
    inside the castle – some sort of light.
    I´ve been observing from above
    and I believe that something weird is going on inside –
    there are some flares and fires in uncommon colors
    coming out the basement window.
    Glass shattering and humans shouting –
    it seems to me there is a quarrel.’
    (Hm… perhaps that´s what we came here for –
    to stop this?…)
    ‘We cannot enter, we have tried. The Gates are locked.’
    ‘I´ll go and check what I can do inside.’ –
    the Eagle said and was already flying.

    A moment of brief silence followed,
    then the Turtle (she had not reached far)
    sat down, looked at me and for some reason
    her optimistic eyes were reassuring
    and my heart was filled with faith.
    ‘That´d do the job’ – she winked.
    ‘It seems you ARE the four that I was searching.
    I will show you now, if you allow me.’
    ‘Sure, why not?!’ – the Wolf was so excited
    (by the unknown)
    that his tail was swirling all around
    and he was jumping back and forth
    above the Turtle.
    ‘Alright, alright!’ – she smiled.
    Then continued:
    ‘Please assume positions at a safe distance
    and I’ll explain to you how these things work.’
    Wolf looked at me and noticed
    I was as confused as he –
    none of us was sure what was about to happen.
    ***

    Yet we took a few steps back
    and then the Turtle added:
    ‘Good! Now please relax and focus!’
    Deliberately she retreated back into her shell.
    The night was so dark that it seemed the Turtle disappeared completely.
    Silence.
    Nothing happened for a while,
    so I checked with Wolf.
    He was really focusing his full attention on the Turtle
    and didn´t even look at me
    so I continued watching her, anticipating.
    Suddenly the tiles that covered up her shell
    cracked up a little
    and opened outwards just a tiny bit –
    to let a cloud of this elusive blue-ish light escape
    to form a magnet aura all around the Woods´ clairvoyant.
    The light´s intensity continued its progression
    and at certain point it lit the territory
    as a torch, but multiplied by thousands.
    It must have woken Will up,
    for he slowly joined us from behind
    and sat right next me –
    entirely apathetic,
    didn´t really seem to care about
    what´s happening before us.
    Lifeless, speechless
    and his eyes – still full of tears and sorrow,
    concentrated on the bright blue light.

    I don´t know for how long we stared at it
    and it was so magnetic
    that I hadn´t even noticed there´s a sound.
    A constant chanting at some frequency,
    and I could swear, the source of it was hidden
    inside Turtle´s shell.
    (Or maybe she was singing, this I couldn´t tell.)
    And then she started speaking calmly
    with this unreal vibrance in her chant.
    The acoustics in her shell were echoing her every sound
    in such a matter, that it filled the whole surroundings
    and my head.
    The first thing that she said
    was for me completely unexpected:

    ‘When I kill myself, I kill the others,
    when I kill another, I just really kill myself!’

    And then she stopped.
    (Was that it??? – I thought to myself…
    The big epiphany??? The message???

    To be honest… at first I didn´t really get it
    and I was quite a bit confused.)
    But she continued in just a moment:
    ‘Please relax, Wapiti.
    I can feel you´re worried.
    But there´s more!’
    Through the powerful magnetic light
    her head now started showing
    and she smiled and closed her eyes again.
    ‘It´s all alright, I’ll give you every message that I have for you …
    Just please be patient,
    and be ready to receive it.’


    box-turtle1




    As the Turtle now continued,
    new colors started utterly appearing
    within the blue-ish cloud of light
    with almost every word that she pronounced:

    ‘The energy is travelling through light and water
    and the only bridge´s a spiral vessel
    swimming up and down your spine
    and in all directions inwards and outside.
    Fill the vessel with the music of your heart
    and then hear it with your mind –
    the pulses…
    And just dance.’-
    Then the turtle started moving her head
    as if she was dancing
    (to some extreeeemely slow music in her head). –
    ‘Just dance inside your words
    and feel inside your fingertips.’ – she added.
    Then continued calmly, still head-dancing:
    ‘And we can make it,
    for it´s all in us!
    The time and electricity and all.
    It´s in our nature.
    And so we are, we´re born from Her.
    And just when we´re connected,
    we can make it!
    *
    Four´s the leading number.
    (for this book at least…)
    Four´s a hero!
    But do not discriminate the Zero,
    it is as essential as the One.
    *
    And essential is as well,
    to know that:
    (you might need it!)
    Time travelling, on quantum level,
    renders time irrelevant!
    When you transcend the time and space,
    maybe you´ll notice,
    all you need to do is free your mind
    and let your spirit guide it,
    but do not expect a simultaneity,
    ´cause time is not existing! It´s just You!!

    *
    So as you travel beyond time and space –
    regardless what or who you meet there –
    you affect the Whole in all dimensions.
    And you build, create your worlds of visions,
    which now DO exist and CAN be visited by others,
    but in their own time and different n0-space.
    And as you meet the Mayan Shaman,
    he will be expecting.
    You should ask him of the cycle
    and he´ll tell you how to close it back.
    And there will be something, that you´ll need to give him.
    He´d appreciate it gladly and he´ll let you go.
    So you´ll be able to come back and save me.’
    As she said that all the colors merged and turned to
    blinding green of sorts, which started then pulsating
    into even brighter light.
    ‘And dear human, Mr. Will,
    this one´s just for you, love!
    You can even find it on the Internet,
    when you´re back in your own time.’
    (What she´d said so far
    was already not making much sense,
    but ‘the Internet’???
    I sensed it was about to get stranger,
    as if this was possible…)
    ‘Tell the others of your species,
    when the thing they´ll call a TV in the future
    gets invented, they should do
    the following:
    Throw away your TV
    or just let´s invert it, inside out,
    (as my old friend George had once suggested) –
    in case you have some questions
    about fairness and surveillance
    and who´s who and what and why?
    For in front of it they´re hiding
    just as well as they can do behind it.
    Once they´re in it though,
    and not just one, but all of them,
    there will be no more need for mere pretending,
    for they´ll know, no one is really following.’

    And she turned it off – the light and sound and everything,
    it was gone within a flash.
    We´re back in darkness, sitting there,
    completely silent.
    And again – bedazzled.

    ‘Turtle, you OK?’ – I scarcely asked.
    No answer.
    ‘I think she might be tired.’ – the Wolf soothed me.
    ‘Yes.. I guess you might be right.’ – I replied. –
    ‘But what about the message, did someone get that?
    I understood her words but…did you get the sense?
    What should we do with all this information now?
    And what is Mayan? And what´s that vessel?
    Can someone please explain it to me?
    I feel stupid.’
    ‘I´m sure it will all make sense when the time is right.
    I memorized it all, don´t worry.’ – the Wolf was exceptionally smart.
    Will was also startled:
    ‘This sentence…’
    We looked at him awaiting to continue…
    but it seemed he just dived in his thoughts…
    ‘Which sentence, Will?’ – I asked,
    that got him back.
    ‘She said… She said:
    “…when the thing they´ll call a TV in the future
    gets invented…”
    didn´t she?’
    I nodded.
    And as I did my brain started shuddering
    ´cause I was getting the direction
    that his question had suggested.
    ‘In the future?’- William repeated
    and looked at me misapprehending –
    I shrug my shoulders, but I got his point.
    For all I knew the TV was invented
    a few decades ago –
    none of us was even born yet.
    This whole situation was becoming more and more
    a riddle.
    Such a chaos!
    All three of us, again –
    just standing there
    with our hearts racing,
    our jaws dropped
    and eyebrows lifted,
    looked into each other´s eyes and
    exclaimed in question all at once:
    ‘ARE WE IN THE PAST?!?’
    (Oh…!!! Holy S*it!!! Again!!!???)
    ***

    ~~~
    Part 0.6
    ~~~

    cool-wolf-pic-the-anubians-wolf-pack-22245839-1024-768

    The darkness and the cluelessness
    that we´ve been sent to,
    and the fear, as far as I could tell,
    interrupted by the Wolf,
    turned very quickly to a rather different sensation.
    We stood a while in shock like this,
    until the Wolf – apparently a little bit ashamed
    of not at first distinguished it,
    he cleared his throat and insecurely stated:
    ‘Ahm…
    Ok…
    ….
    The Past, you say?…
    That makes a little sense to me,
    it would explain a couple things I witnessed
    in the village.
    I mean…
    With all that happened…
    I just… didn´t think it would be as important,
    since everything seemed fine back there. …’
    ‘You met your friend – the dog?’ –
    I noticed this whole thing had made the Wolf a little nervous,
    and I thought I might just help him take it easy,
    since no matter what he said –
    it probably couldn´t top the shock of what had just happened –
    finding out one had just traveled to the past was quite a thing.

    ‘Yes… Yes, we met.
    She welcomed me at dawn,
    right before she left to work –
    that hadn´t changed –
    her owner still – the village shepherd.
    I´ve never met him though –
    she´d warned me he would kill me.
    Didn´t have much time to talk
    as she was leaving soon
    and I was terribly exhausted –
    the night I’d spent in running only.
    She led me to the stall, to take a nap
    before returning (and while the others weren´t there).

    I woke up to the voices of some humans –
    I got scared and jumped to see that no one´s there –
    except an injured sheep, a doctor and his nurse.
    I overheard them speak of something
    and as they mentioned it, I found it rather strange –
    my stomach started shivering. They said
    that all the pendulums in town got broken –
    the doctor´s, mayor´s, even Clement´s one –
    I didn´t recognize their speech, not all at least.
    But I believe they mentioned that they´ve lost
    their track of time, deliveries were late.
    But then they laughed and made some jokes about it –
    how the future transport engines will not use the steam
    as power source and how ridiculous it´d seem.
    That´s all I heard – I used the moment while they´re laughing,
    sneaked behind their backs and ran towards you guys –
    across the village, midday, crystal light.
    Though as I crossed the street I almost got ran over
    by a horse and his white carriage.
    No cars were there, as I was used to,
    so I thought – the humans must have finally upgraded.
    The Horse excused himself and slowed down even –
    that impressed me, what a Gentleman.
    And then I found your trails and as I reached you –
    Will was wandering half-conscious, searching wood.
    And then… You know… All this just happened…’
    ‘I see, Wolf…
    You´re right, that doesn´t quite help the story,
    and the city changes constantly so anyway,
    you couldn´t possibly just know it…-
    that we´ve traveled back through time, I mean.’
    I was starting getting used to the idea
    that we had somehow traveled to the past.
    I stood up and just made few steps –
    I had to move… to check with Will again –
    he had his thumb and index finger at his chin
    and was again far sunken in his head.
    ‘Any idea what we should do next, Will?’
    ‘… Nope…’ – he quickly answered
    without changing his position.
    (‘Me neither’ – I thought to myself.)
    But what were we supposed to do?
    The Gates were closed,
    the end line of the night
    was certainly approaching,
    the darkest black had turned now purple
    and the Orb was no more dancing –
    all that´s left was Venus –
    shining in the morning sky and
    reminding me of hope…


    Something somehow told me though –
    the answer was inside the castle´s walls.
    For a second I considered even running up
    towards the Gates, but my antlers gave me sign
    that´s not a good idea.
    I felt useless, helpless and uncommon –
    having traveled to the past –
    it seemed indeed we were in trouble.

    Suddenly I turned around…
    I hadn´t noticed I had deeply sunken
    in my observations, as the Eagle had announced
    a lower place he had discovered on the North side
    of the Castle Wall Walk.
    I turned around and noticed –
    the Eagle had the Turtle lifted and he carried her towards the spot,
    while Will and Wolf
    were hurrying behind, attempting to surround the Castle,
    remotely following the Wall
    and running so fast that it scared me for a bit-
    for I thought I couldn`t reach them.
    So I hesitated for a moment,
    it somehow felt quite right just to be waiting.
    I stood there for another minute,
    my old friend Venus waited with me
    and assured me it was all the way it was supposed to happen.

    ***
    And as I waited, heard the Eagle giving me the signal
    that they`re there, they`d made it in the Castle.
    So I was just about to turn around and give them signal
    that I hear them,
    so I turn and what`d I see???
    The Gates – wide open!!!
    And the Warrior is sneaking out –
    escaping, right before my nose –
    but there!
    I saw her!
    And she hears me
    and then slowly turns around
    and sees me too.
    And then just looks at me –
    I knew her,
    yet I hadn`t met her –
    she was not the Warrior from our party,
    but quite similar – resemblance level:
    quite a bit, she must have been her twin or something,
    couldn`t tell much difference back then.
    Her eyes were somehow piercing.
    I looked at her as she was leaving,
    headed somewhere in a rush,
    and thanked her for the Gate she opened
    right before me.
    Gate of Light!
    fantasy-woman

    ~~~
    Part 0.7
    ~~~

    Finally!
    The Castle!

    We arrived!

    ***
    I entered and my breath was by a force of beauty taken,
    the Castle was surrounded by its layered Gardens,
    full of Water, Light and Colors,
    mirrored by all surfaces and hanging sculptures.
    Will and Wolf appeared now also to me –
    somewhere at the Center – so unreal –
    standing there embedded in magnificence –
    that park that made the mostly natural seem even to me
    so unrealistic.

    We all met right by the Entrance of the building,
    all in rush –
    our Jade`s at stake!!!
    We open up, while bumping in each other in a hurry –
    and there he is – the Shaman!
    Standing right there at the corridor,
    spread all around his books with spells and such,
    his colored magic powders and his herbs
    and staring desperately, with his hands up at his head,
    inside a hole –
    inside a cube –
    in front of him –
    across the floor.
    He sadly looks to us in desperate exclamation:
    ‘Oh..no…
    I think that something might`ve happened…
    A misconception –
    a misunderstanding…
    I`ll explain….’
    But Will – impatient, in no mood for bargaining
    just runs across and grabs him by his throat
    and shouts:

    “You bring her to me!!!
    Right away!
    You lost her!”

    “I`ll explain…” – the Shaman scarcely sighs…
    “Right now!
    Or else…”
    “Or else what…?”
    (Yeah… or else what?…If Will would harm him somehow,
    all his chances to get Jade back,
    immediately disappear.) –
    I was still afraid approaching…
    “Or else…
    I don`t know…
    I give up…
    I think I`d trade my soul to get her back…
    I love her…” – Will`s grip softly then let go
    the forest wizard`s neck and fell down to his knees…
    “Please, take her back…
    Please!”
    “Wait, I`ll see what I can do… ” – the Shaman seemed a little more determined now.
    “And as I said… Let me explain…”
    The Shaman was peacefully now gathering around,
    preparing some sort of a mixture –
    I considered, he would throw it in the Box.
    “It`s all a little bit confusing,
    `cause you see…”

    “I think we noticed…” –
    the Wolf growled in his face,
    surrounding him.
    “Well…
    You see, I`m from the future…
    No… I mean the past… –
    Her future…
    Yes.
    I`m from the present.
    Yes…”
    He stopped all movement,
    baffled for a while –
    all thoughtful.
    (He seemed to me now more of a
    confused professor
    than as wise as Shaman.)
    He continued:
    “I’m from the present
    and I think you too…
    But something happened
    a few decades ago –
    a misunderstanding.
    I mean error.
    My mistake.
    I thought that I was helping…
    But instead…”
    “Wait… A few decades ago?!…
    Jade`s gone since yesterday,
    that`s all we`re asking you to fix…” –
    Will puzzled looked at me.
    “For you…” – the Shaman added.
    “For me it was the decades,
    for you it was a day,
    for all I know though,
    we have scrambled more than our world,
    per se,
    we might`ve really f*cked all up this time…
    I mean the Time, the Space…
    Time-Space Pretending…
    But let me try and stop this once again…”
    And then he threw all he was mixing in the middle –
    in the Hole, the Cube of Light!

    ***
    The Flash, the Smoke, again…
    It was repeating…
    ….
    All…



    I fell asleep…

    (I`ll tell you…

    how it all began…) –

    the Shaman`s voice…
    (so distant…)

    rm_alchemist-craola_24x16_2012

    (img src http://ransommitchell.com )

    ***

    I woke up to a room –
    the Castle`s corridor again,
    all full of mist
    (the others were still sleeping.)
    My eyes were heavy,
    yet I saw –
    and suddenly was forced to open them a lot –
    MYSELF escaping from the box…
    But how???
    So I just jumped, made two-three steps towards him –
    I mean me –
    and as he turned it was so terrifying!!!
    He was me with much much darker fur
    and his eyes – on fire!
    A red “Inferno”!
    DARK WAPITI!

    As he looks at me
    (got chills…),
    he disappears.
    (still chills…)

    A female voice:
    “Wapiti!”

    ***
    I turned around –
    and chills again!
    JADE!!!

    She´s standing in the middle of the hole…
    “But how?!?!…”
    “I will explain…” – Jade calmly answered,
    still standing at the center,
    the thick white mist was sliding up her feet and waist.
    “Jade, thank God you`re here! Something happened,
    we`re in the past!” – as I said that and walked towards her,
    Will was awaking and as he saw her, he just shouted:
    “JADE!!!” – and ran over to hug her.
    But she was looking at me and her peaceful smiling face
    slowly turned serious.
    “The past?” – her eyes were getting sad.
    Will hugged her and tried to kiss her as she
    stopped him with her hand.
    “I`m sorry, Love! Not yet…
    But I will return!” – she bowed down
    and then turned towards the door.
    I turned as well to check what she was facing,
    and I saw her!!! The Warrior!
    This time it definitely was herself!
    This time I saw her there! I swear!
    Standing at the entry
    and behind her – thunder!
    She had brought the storm!
    And as she stays she shoots
    and kills our Jade again!
    “No! Wait!” – Will shouts and jumps.
    And hands to me his little bag,
    yet as I catch it –
    (no idea what to do with it!)
    he touches Jade
    and all the three of us just disappear.

    women_fantasy_storm_cleavage_samurai_hat_fantasy_art_cloak_artwork_warriors_silkroad_staff_conical_h_Wallpaper_1280x960_www.wallpaperswa.com

    Again.
    White smoke.
    And nothingness.
    But I’m awake this time.
    Alone.

    ***
    End of Part 0
    ***

    Thank You for reading!
    (or scrolling so far 😉 )

    Please feel free to share
    what you think
    or find and contact  us
    on Facebook!
    Jade Wonderstone
    Will TrueLove
    Wapiti Joe

    or
    the.facebook.fairy.com@gmail.com

    and alsoo…
    feel free to donate
    (actual money(?))
    for Wapiti and the animals
    (because they also have Internet Bills(?))
    Thank Youuu!
    (use the donate button on the page! 😉 )
    Again.
    Much Love!
    Wapiti Joe & Co

  • Of Jade´s Letters: to and from Jade Wonderstone

    ———————-
    19 Nov 2013

    a family portrait for you, my Love!

    ~will

    quan flower2

    ———————-
    23 Nov 2013

    ***

    (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yqfxly50xT4 )

    I still need to thank you, Love!

    ~.~

    i saw the light – a paradox within
    but no regrets, it’s all for you now –
    a fire needle in my deepest core –
    that kills me slowly,
    for just keeping me alive.

    unknowingly, you’ve brought me back to life.
    and taught me how to feel, and hope and see.

    for that a ‘thank you’ couldn´t be enough…
    i know.

    *
    for owing you my life, i love you!
    and for my chance number two.
    for my decision to remain,
    not catch that derailed train.

    for that a ‘thank you’ couldn´t be enough…

    *
    i saw the light –
    you taught me how to feel it.
    to hear the raven´s call –
    and hope you’ll see me too –
    the fire needle feels like thunder.

    and still, i´m sensing your soul´s trails all over
    like a light-train that i wouldn´t want to miss.
    and still remembering, you taught me to be free and happy,
    i have learned my lesson, practicing it here and now.

    for my happiness and my whole life and love
    and for perhaps the most magnificent last kiss,
    a simple ‘thank you’ couldn´t be enough ..
    i know

    *
    i saw the light and learned a lesson,
    a fire needle thunder might just kill you.
    but i´ve decided to be happy and to kill my fear instead,
    that you´d remove the fire needle and my human heart is dead.
    i´ll keep the needle in my core and spread your lessons,
    love and light.
    and hope they´ll bless your life with miracles and peace!
    whichever path you choose – delight!

    for what you´ve given me –
    i know,
    a simple ‘thank you’ couldn´t be enough ..

    ~j

    ———————-
    26 Nov 2013

    The Animals and I just had a meeting.
    it was important.
    and we kept a script.
    we´ll share it now,
    thanks for receiving!



    a while ago
    a problem
    might have happened.
    we interfered, we used our force.for our intention turns to matter.
    ´cause when there is a zero,
    a one will definitely surface too.we wanted just to help,
    but someone suffered.

    so they say

    the humans.
    are afraid.
    *
    *
    *
    the last full moon,
    the forest had a party.
    we might have had invited
    some unfamiliar guests.
    *
    the shaman and the warrior
    stopped time
    and all the clocks
    got broken.the woods were fine.
    but someone heard*

    the people weren´t happy.
    the animals and i got scared,
    we didn´t want them to feel bad…we thought all through
    and now we´re meeting,
    discussing what we´re
    gonna do.*
    *
    *
    we´ll send a spy,
    down to the city –
    to meet the maiden´s
    female dog.
    to speak to her –
    and hear the story
    of why the humans
    are upset.
    *
    the wolf went silent,
    now he knew
    his walk was long –
    a moon or two.*
    the next full moon
    the wolf arrives.
    at dawn the castle
    looks bizarre.
    he knocks
    twice at the gate
    at 4 am?
    (… he couldn´t know,
    he had no clock!…)
    but no one opens.
    the village sleeps,
    unlike the owl,
    my patient friend.

    the rest
    of the wolf´s
    and Wapiti Joe & co´s
    adventures
    will be
    posted
    when the wolf
    returns.

    to be continued…

    ~~~

    * Georg Simmel schreibt in „Die Grosstädte und das Geistesleben“, 1903

    … Wenn alle Uhren in Berlin plötzlich in verschiedener Richtung falschgehen würden, auch nur um den Spielraum einer Stunde, so wäre sein ganzes wirtschaftliches und sonstiges Verkehrsleben auf lange hinaus zerrüttet.
    Dazu kommt, scheinbar noch äußerlicher, die Größe der Entfernungen, die alles Warten und Vergebenskommen zu einem gar nicht aufzubringenden Zeitaufwand machen.
    So ist die Technik des großstädtischen Lebens überhaupt nicht denkbar, ohne daß alle Tätigkeiten und Wechselbeziehungen aufs pünktlichste in ein festes, übersubjektives Zeitschema eingeordnet würden.

    http://gutenberg.spiegel.de/buch/6598/1

    http://www.calendar-365.com/moon-calendar/2013/December.html

    ———————-
    27 Nov 2013

    i dreamt of you again!
    this time you brought your gang along.
    i like them all!
    but no need to compete,
    for me you are the one –
    and I hope you´re well!

    Love,

    ~j

    ———————-
    29 Nov 2013

    #wisdom #goes #deep

    I have been a little worried,
    cousin Wapiti Joe
    had been missing for
    the last week or so.

    but he called.

    he says it´s ok.
    and there´s so much more to come.
    (where that comes from*)

    ~
    still all for you!
    the perfect reader.

    ~

    the signal was scrambled,
    that bothered me a little.

    but cousin said this:




    ***
    the 3rd time we returned,
    we had a vision (from ahead)
    we met the female shepherd dog again –
    this time she was ok, not dead.
    she tells a story
    of her owner-
    a girl, we ´d not yet met.

    at just this moment she approached us,
    (the humans might have changed a bit)
    her forhead – jade,
    her eyes were lit.
    the time went slower for a bit.
    green light – shines purple –
    she calmly sits now on her bed.

    ***
    we heard her thoughts,
    we felt her clearly.
    experience, we´ve never had.
    she looked at me,
    and in my mind she said:

    I know you…

    then went silent,
    but all the words just kept:

    my mother calls on Sundays,
    (felt her speaking)
    we do not use a phone.

    she tells me I must save her, nature.
    and all the humans to protect.
    until at least their hearts go dead. –
    I heard her, felt her.
    yet…
    all I could think was:
    “she´s so pretty – it´s just mad!”

    the purple light
    was all the insight!

    but please remember!

    that seeing outcomes is a gift,
    some say.
    a blade –
    that changes all the time.
    the universe collaborates
    for certain.
    but my emergence is a cause –
    and has an effect.

    the soul is all,
    and so is wisdom.
    (in terms of property per se)
    for all I have
    is here and now –
    the inside of my skin and head!

    the soul is all,
    the mind – not certain,
    it 50/50 goes both ways –
    destroys the heart and make us crumble,
    or simply breathe and keep it burning –
    we decide!

    ***
    ***

    ***

    then he interrupted.
    but I’m remembering he mentioned
    that he´s on his way back.

    and will show me…
    the rest of the story

    and i´ll be waiting.

    and I hope that
    you´re you.

    so thank you!

    ~j

    ———————-
    29 Nov 2013

    cause and effect…

    ———————-
    1 Dec 2013
    Wapiti Joe & co
    are still missing (lost in time a little)…
    so it´s me again Jade Wonderstone,
    covering for their weekly updates
    from the Woods.

    today was quite busy,
    many customers at the salon.
    so all I´ll post will be
    a little message for my husband, LoveWill FindaWay,
    for he sent me on a date last night
    and asked me to share my impressions.

    and also,
    he´ll be taking over the salon next week,
    so i´ll be looking forward
    to what the Brain of the family
    will be posting!

    about my last night –
    as I said,
    some interesting encounters!…

    ~..~
    my husband sent me on a date last night.
    i met with satan.
    we had a chat –
    we spoke of love –
    i was a little worried
    and he saw me.
    he wasn´t interested though
    and that´s important
    my husband knows me better than i know myself –
    i needed to be seen
    through eyes
    of no desire.
    i was expecting something else.
    my friend, the satan
    knows my love –
    a step ahead on every matter.
    i told him of my name, the book, some game.
    he spoke about his distant travels.
    i saw his eyes – my truth – unraveled.
    the beauty was no alien for him,
    the beauty was his ally.
    he knows i´m with him.
    with my deepest love –
    on every matter –
    greater.
    .~
    but time and space are some conceptions,
    that you and i just now created.
    the roles have changed,
    the times were different.
    but every time you say my name,
    i will be with you.
    and so will he –
    our dearest friend – the satan.

    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    so there it is –
    the satan knew me for a moment,
    for what he saw – we shared a home.
    my hell, my love, you know me –
    is just everywhere you´re not.
    but i deceived him, said i had a meeting,
    said to him, i was so happy.
    then i left, the search continued.
    oh, how i wish it was all different…
    but then again,
    i had to work.
    i heard a quarrel had occurred-
    a different mission.
    i arrive there –
    by the angels ,
    one was missing.
    now my head turns fire,
    for a second – universes shatter.
    but it´s all clear – i know the matter –
    a gargantuan collision
    and the angels scatter.
    for jealousy is just an error, just a sin.
    just a consequence of dopamine.
    forgiving is divine though –
    it unites us.
    thursday would be fine i guess.
    we know our cracks, now let me heal us,
    and just pray, the outcomes would turn back.

    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .

    and so i´ll pray,
    and i will meet you,
    and i hope for once, this is our time!
    and when we meet again, we´ll be all different.
    except my husband´s name – the same.
    and i will meet his friend, the satan, any time he says,
    because love knows me – and the reason i remained.

    and now i know that
    love would only torture me this way from wisdom
    for he knows me –we´re not different,
    we´ve collided and now tremble,
    every time we hear each other´s name.
    and when i close my eyes your face just renders,
    and my heart begins to turn and sway,
    ´cause i know my name was channeled : `love`…
    i swear…
    so my spring just keeps on sending
    energy – my pulse, to my own crown.
    but it gets stuck though –
    in my throat…
    and all the language disappears –
    LOVE!!! is all, that i could shout!
    and then my head explodes – my heart´s on fire.
    my pulse reaches through my roots.
    my loins start now pulsating,
    feed me with desire – bliss of hope.
    the simplest reason for my growth
    is only you, love.
    and i need you, as i need to breathe.

    .
    .
    .

    Sweet dreams!
    I hope we meet again tonight!

    LOVE,
    j.~

    ———————-
    3 Dec 2013

    for my lovely husband LoveWill FindaWay

    my Love has given me a picture,
    now I can see him every day!

    i love him still and
    time´s still with us.
    i see no reason to be scared!

    he caught me, freed me,
    taught me how to grow.
    and all i need my Love to know is
    that i always will return,
    every time he lets me go.

    my Love´s my Life
    and I’m his own..
    I AM YOUR FREEDOM,
    YOU´RE MY HOME!

    and you know, i always will return…
    just every time you let me go…

    ~.LOVE.~
    Jade Wonderstone

    ———————-
    4 Dec 2013

    my girlfriend Hope and i
    went to a bar last night –
    a distant star…
    we talked and laughed –
    she was quite happy –
    excited and fulfilled –
    she had a secret…

    my husband then showed up –
    out of a sudden.
    he must have been real tired –
    his eyes were red – outrageous.
    he held a gun, his hand was shaking.
    delirious – he got me scared,
    a madness…

    i´m not quite sure he recognized me.
    he tried to shoot me in the heart –
    he missed…
    though when i turned around
    i saw my girlfriend –
    lying there – unconscious on the floor.
    my husband shot her three times in the stomach,
    he didn´t know she had a secret…

    my best friend Hope was pregnant with a child –
    the brightest future.
    my husband might´ve killed them both last night.
    i was so frightened – horrifying…
    i did my best to hold on tight.
    i kneeled down next to her –
    reanimation quickly!!!

    but no one knew what had just happened –
    it was so fast – within a second…
    the medics came and took Hope with them,
    she will recover, they´re assuring…
    but i was desperate and non-believing,
    my Hope was gone, what can i do???

    my husband in the meanwhile
    realized what happened –
    he was a murderer, the satan.
    he gave himself in, got his hands cuffed.
    he dropped the gun, i saw he´s scared too.
    he´s put then in the darkest, coldest prison –
    for gambling with Love and killing Faith
    is just a silly game –
    a game he´ll play alone now…

    and all he wanted was his freedom…

    ***
    but Love, i though you knew me better.
    you know my views on every matter.
    you know, to me, that Love is light
    and light is energy,
    and energy is not a game,
    for games do have an ending.
    so go on, be my guest,
    there on your killing spree.
    and if you want me dead just know, Love,
    kill yourself and i will too kill me…

    so now i´m leaving him – he says we´ll grow.
    the truth to me though – so well known –
    without each other´s Love,
    we´re nothing and there is no home…
    so i´ll be wandering for now,
    i might return one day, who knows…
    i´ll always miss him.

    ***
    i´m sorry, Love, i said i´ll be there,
    and i was.
    but Love, you´ve changed the outcomes –
    your decision.

    and we´re different now – we have just shifted.
    and my Faith in you might still be there…
    though my whole world had collided,
    a different universe – and we´re alone here –
    without my best friend Hope.
    it´s cold and dark, i know you feel it….

    ***
    ***
    ***
    three weeks later
    a call came in –
    the hospital where Hope was.
    my best friend had survived,
    but not her secret.
    her unborn child was rendered dead.
    a tragedy… a huge mistake –
    misunderstanding…
    the brightest future had no start,
    but had an ending…
    ***
    so please, Love,
    i am begging,
    for you are still my master…
    i am here and i am willing
    and i´m prepared to learn and live,
    so, Love, there is no need for killing…
    for i might follow your example
    and humanity will be erased.

    ***
    and yet,
    i am still thankful
    for my latest lesson –
    my last-night visit
    in my sacred hell –
    eternal night of tears…

    my Hope did not give in…

    ~j

    ———————-
    4 Dec 2013

    LoveWill FindaWay
    i´m sorry, love!
    forgive my craziness…
    sleep deprivation…

    I love you!
    always have and always will!
    No matter what…
    I know that everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to happen!
    always have and always will!

    big hug to you!

    much love,
    Jade Wonderstone

    ———————-
    5 Dec 2013

    love yo(u/u)niverse!

    ———————-
    7 Dec 2013

    and again I met the resident of my dreams…
    it is so perfect every time…

    and every time I feel you closer…
    one day I will wake up and you´ll be next to me for real…
    I can hardly wait for this moment…
    I love you very much and I miss you!
    and I miss waking up next to you even though it´s in the future…
    and you really are the most amazing person I´ve ever met…
    i love you!

    and wish you a wonderful day and a beautiful weekend!

    ~j

    ———————-
    20 Dec 2013

    For my Master!
    I know you´re enjoying this, Love!
    Me too…
    It´s beyond imaginable…
    I love You so much!
    Thank You for all!!!
    You make me so happy!!!

    ~.~

    The strangest thing had happened.
    A foreign man was watching me,
    I didn´t know his face although it felt like you.
    I was confused at first and didn´t know if I should trust him.
    But I did, he took my hand than took me to some corridor –
    a castle or perhaps chateau – a manor house.
    He turned around and looked out through a window
    several feet away.
    What was I supposed to do there?
    Who was he? And what´d he want?
    He turned again his face towards me.
    Then with his thought he moved my hands.
    Now both my hands had slipped beneath my panties,
    but it wasn´t me – he´s in control.
    I looked at him again in panic – couldn´t find your face there.
    I got scared.
    And woke up just to find
    I´m pleasuring myself without my knowledge.
    And levitating! WTF?!
    Me, the bed, the whole room seemed different.
    The bed was floating in the air!
    And so was I…
    I looked around…
    A shock!!!
    I jumped, my heart is pounding!
    I ran away and washed my face. To calm me down.
    “Just breathe now! Breathe!…” – said I to my reflection.
    “Calm down. It´s all Ok…”
    Damn… Levitating…
    WTF, man?!?
    What are you???
    And how´d you do this???




    ~.~

    Of course I always knew what You are, Love!
    Kissessssssss!
    xoxoxoxo

    ~j

    ———————-
    20 Dec 2013

    It´s been a long day here in the Woods of Wonderland.
    As usual before holidays we all have a lot to do
    and not always can we handle all we have planned.
    But, as my husband Will says – that´s why we have priorities.

    And my most recent priority has become to meet my secret admirer.
    The thing about secret admirers though is that they tend to keep their identities secret! (what a surprise, right? ) So that´s exactly the purpose of this meeting! It is important that I find out the identity of my admirer so that my husband Will and I could discuss what we shall do about it.
    Because even if I met my admirer by chance, like at a party for example,
    I will probably pretend that I don´t know who he really is (to show him how much I respect his anonymity) and the outcomes will be rather different.
    So after my evening walk I will be heading towards the distant star(!)
    that I yesterday mentioned.
    But I will not be at the bar there. I will be near the ocean.
    At midnight. And will wait there for a certain amount of time, at least until I get cold… Then I will go away.
    So if my admirer is willing to reveal his identity to me tonight I will be most happy to meet him. (of course there are also other methods to do this like for instance different ways of communication!)
    But I will be much more pleased if he came to meet me personally and then I will let him take me places – wherever/however he desires.

    Oh.. and I almost forgot, of course I will also bring with me the handwritten letter as he demanded! There might be some interesting twists there as well!

    I´m so excited,
    I hope you are too!
    And I´ll be really happy to meet you, Mr. #!

    P.S. If I´m late please don´t be mad, transportation at night is sometimes difficult here in the Woods!
    And you can always call me or even pick me up from the castle! Your choice!

    Much Love!

    ~j

    ———————-
    22 Dec 2013

    and again… woke up with the thought of you…
    and I feel like crying because you´re not here…
    my feelings are so much stronger than me…
    I really didn´t mean to hurt you in any way.
    all i´ve written is out of pure love!
    the love of my life!
    the envelope remains sealed.
    and you can have it anytime you want.
    you can have it all!
    anytime you want it, love!!!
    only you!!!!!

    ~j

    ———————-
    24 Dec 2013

    my secret lover visited me in my dreams again.
    but this time it was rather different.
    he stayed the night. we cuddled and we talked,
    he hugged me from behind and said
    that sometimes it`s too much for him – uncertainty.
    for all I know, love, you`re the one for me
    and sometimes we could break it off a while.
    I do not wish to see you tired.
    But I can feel you in my dreams and in my heart when I`m awake,
    I cannot help it, it is not on purpose, I just do!
    I call you somehow and you`re here.
    And I`d be glad if you would call me too –
    just channel `love` and I will meet you.
    And if you sometimes somehow miss me, baby,
    we could always use the phone,
    I`d be most happy just to hear you voice for real.
    I need you! What`s the day without its sun?!
    You`re my knight in shining armors,
    you`re the night and I`m your moon.
    And I love you, baby!
    And I hope I`ll see you soon!

    Enjoy the Christmas Eve preparations!
    It`s a nice time to think things through a little.
    Whatever you decide, you have my total support!

    Much Love,
    ~J

    — with Will TrueLove.

    ———————-
    27 Dec 2013
    because I heard this song on the radio the other day…
    and couldn`t help it but think of you, TrueLove
    and it reminded me of so much things and memories…
    and I cried, but no one saw me…
    so now that it`s out there…



    ~.~
    I wake up with the thought of you,
    but of course – that`s nothing new,
    it`s something I have gotten used to.
    All the memories still surface
    and it makes me feel a little blue.
    I keep thinking and it aches so bad.
    Could it all, for real, be true?
    Have I finally found you?
    And are you really you –
    the person I’m in love with
    since my soul was split in two?
    Have I really found my twin flame?
    How`d it happen? Is it true?
    I wasn`t seeking, for I knew,
    I’m self-sufficient, so are you…
    So how did I deserve this?
    A serendipity – and I’m in Heaven,
    I’m with you!

    ***

    The seasons changed and I still miss it…
    Feels like parts of me were rearranged.
    My wholeness and sufficiency are also different.
    With every breath I long to kiss you.
    I long to touch you and I need to meet you.
    My hands feel empty and my head`s a mess.
    A part of me is simply missing.
    My eyes and ears now – mere anticipation,
    always searching for your tissue
    and the essence of your presence.
    All the crowds, the cities and my air –
    illusions! You`re not there!
    My every step is nothing but infusion –
    my future`s merging with the past –
    I think of you and how it`d last,
    a whole new world is being born.
    My dream`s come true –
    you`re all I wished for.
    Feels like you`re the only one
    I’ve ever loved.
    So I keep thinking and it aches so bad
    could it all, for real, be true?
    Is this you? The one I dreamt of,
    since my heart was split in two?

    ***

    I want to marry you and have your children.
    I want to spend my whole life just with you.
    I want to give you all my strength and care for you
    until you too believe it`s true.
    I want to be there for you and support you,
    I want to love your grumpiness and solitude.
    I want to watch you work and sleep and make you food.
    I want to make our dreams come true.
    I want to hold you, kiss you and make love to you,
    even when you don`t expect it.
    I want this all to last forever.
    I want it so bad to be true.
    I want to build our future and to love our past.
    I want a love that simply lasts.

    ***

    And every time I hear this song,
    (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5D3Nl1GZzuw )
    I think of you, love.
    Everything I read and see…
    Everything I touch or feel inside me –
    it`s all you, love.
    Nothing else is real to me.
    It never was and never will be,
    at least as long as you`re not here.
    My hands, my bed, my heart feels empty.
    Everything I do – it`s all for you, love –
    that`s my present. That`s my love.
    And our future, our children,
    our dreams come true –
    it`s all for you.
    My life is yours now –
    I surrender.
    That`s my truth.
    Let me live with you
    or simply kill me –
    it is all just up to you.
    And that`s my truth.
    My heart and soul
    belong to you now.

    ***

    And I know you have forgiven me,
    but do not trust me.
    And why would you? –
    I`m a wreck.
    But of course,
    you do not know this yet –
    you think I`m strong…
    And yes, I could be…
    Just as long as you`re with me.
    `Cause If you leave me – I`m quite certain –
    I will never feel again!
    And since, you know me now, my being,
    love is all I am…
    So if you leave me,
    nothing from me could remain…

    ***

    But please, love, please believe me
    when I say – you`re all I long for –
    here, I’ll pray!
    I hope you see one day,
    there`s no one else who`s in my heart to stay.
    And yes, all other men will want me,
    Some of them will think they feel me,
    but they won`t and couldn`t have me!
    Never!!!
    I prefer to be alone if I’m not with you!
    And my children will remain unborn.
    And the future, and my dreams –
    a single word from you –
    and they`ll be locked away.

    ***

    So please, love,
    here, I`ll pray!
    Your love is all I long for!
    And while I have it – endless power!
    I could feed the poor and fight all crime!
    No politics or money could withhold me!
    I`m the strongest woman
    and you know me!
    As we stand together, side-by-side,
    there`s no challenge for us,
    love forever!
    Endless power –
    I surrender.
    Love has got her hold on me.
    And I hope, dear,
    you`ll remember
    all my words
    one day,
    when I am gone.
    And I know you`ll miss me.
    But as I said – It`s up to you –
    I’m yours! It`s your decision –
    you could have me stay
    or turn your back,
    keep pushing me away…

    ***

    So I keep thinking and it aches so bad.
    Could it all, for real, be true?
    For I know, I have now found you!
    And I know you`re you –
    the person I’m in love with –
    you`re my soul, my twin flame –
    and without you there`s just rain.
    The seasons are not changing
    and my heart is split in two –
    eternal pain.
    So how did I deserve this?
    Having fallen all this way?
    Love, I’m here, I`m always with you –
    Heaven`s fallen angel,
    had just found her way –
    your eyes!
    Your light!
    I’m here to stay…
    I`ll always be with you!

    If you want it too…

    ~.~

    I miss you so much, love!
    Every second of every day!

    ———————-
    26 Dec 2013

    there`s so much more i`d like to share, Love!
    so much more i`d like to know.
    my craziness is overwhelming.
    all i know – my love is true.
    and i`ll keep asking myself and pretending
    that i`m me and you are you!
    I do not know a thing now.
    Is there something wrong with that?
    Is there something wrong with loving this with all my heart?
    Is there something wrong with not knowing the meaning of the word hatred and not being able to hate?
    Is there something wrong in seeing the good in everything?
    Is there something wrong with not believing in the monetary system?
    Is there something wrong with me for not enjoying shopping?
    Is there something wrong with me for knowing i`m responsible for my own destiny?
    Is there something wrong with laughing when I should actually cry?
    Is there something wrong with being so happy I could cry?
    Is there something wrong with loving like I could die tomorrow?
    Is there something wrong with wanting to discover my own self?
    Is there something wrong with wanting to know more?
    Is there something wrong with knowing what is right for me?
    Is there something wrong with craving an expression?
    Is there something wrong with being controversial?
    Is there something wrong with trusting without doubt?
    Is there something wrong with loving my own life?
    Is there something wrong with wanting to feel loved?
    Is there something wrong with wanting to give birth?
    Is there something wrong with my blind faith?
    Is there something wrong with not caring sometimes?
    Is there something wrong with not pretending that I do?
    Is there something wrong with accepting myself as I am?
    Is there something wrong with knowing my own flaws?
    Is there something wrong with seeing my mistakes in others?
    Is there something wrong with criticizing no one but myself?
    Is there something wrong with feeling as a saint sometimes?
    Is there something wrong with believing in my dreams?
    Is there something wrong with knowing everything is just illusion?
    Is there something wrong with wanting to wake up?
    Is there something wrong with wanting to feel more?
    Is there something wrong with accepting I am human?
    Is there something wrong with accepting that`s not all?
    Is there something wrong with being perfect, yet accepting that I’m not?
    Is there something wrong with living simply?
    Is there something wrong with being wrong sometimes?
    Is there something wrong with wanting you around and missing you?
    Is there?
    Do I dare?
    I do.
    Just close my eyes and finally see…
    The truth.
    That`s me.
    That`s all there is.
    My love.
    That`s me.
    That`s You.
    That`s all – an Echo.

    ~j

    — with Jade Wonderstone and Wapiti Joe.

    ———————-
    27 Dec 2013

    My husband, as you know – a teacher.
    He`s my priest and my own preacher.
    And my current lesson – letting go
    and finding peace, befriending my own storms
    instead of looking for release.
    I know for myself now
    that what he`s teaching me`s essential.
    He told me me that I cannot be a teacher
    while my ego itches.
    I may not use my words if I would be a teacher,
    but instead – my consciousness, my preacher.
    And I pray and I forgive you all.
    The time has come, i`m letting go.
    There`s only me now here,
    the rest – an echo –
    the `eye` may disappear.

    ~.~

    Much Love,
    Jade and Will

    ———————-
    27 Dec 2013

    My wife, you might have noticed, is my soul.
    She loves me more than I could ever know.
    She shows me every now and then
    how things just really feel. It`s not all clear
    and not all simple –
    she`s wiser than what one might think.
    She doesn`t speak – just shows me – glimpses.
    She makes me cry like i`ve been broken –
    i`ll cry my eyes out in a second
    (`cause now I know, she`s not a joke!)
    and at the same time tickles me inside my head
    and make me laugh so hard –
    my lungs might crack.
    My Jade`s amazing,
    how else could I ever tell you –
    what`s my birth, my puberty and old age –
    all compiled emotions in a fraction of a second.
    Sometimes Love just makes me wonder –
    where is time and who`s my face?
    My body and the space I take up –
    here and now –
    is not a place.
    But yet – a state.
    A choice.
    It changes every second.
    And doesn`t matter what I want.
    What matters is –
    it needs acceptance!

    love and joy!

    from
    Will

    ~.~

    ———————-
    27 Dec 2013

    interesting story, loves…
    the other day, my husband Will told me I was perfect…
    and ever since, that`s been messing with my head somehow…
    I`ve been like… pffff Will…have you not MET ME YET???
    It makes me smile somehow, it`s flattering…
    but…
    come on…
    PERFECT?

    Let`s be honest here a sec…
    Need I still remind you of the fact
    that I am human?
    Are you not?
    (I know his answer, of course, I can hear his thoughts ,
    that hasn`t changed either!

    that`s what love does to humans! )

    ~.~

    So here it goes, Love,
    `cause you asked.
    My flaws.
    I am not perfect, but at least I`m honest.
    (…and this time I will get prepared for a divorce… :-S
    I think I`ll disappoint him…)

    I`m inconsiderate and I’m addictive.
    And I’m too enjoying of my solitude,
    yet co-dependent, I just care too much somehow.
    I`m controversial!!!
    In some cases – ignorant,
    yet curious, I crave to know…
    I see down through the layers sometimes,
    and sometimes I just simply do not care.
    I am helpless in a way, my ego`s big.
    And at other times it`s gone, I’m less than me.
    And sometimes I enjoy a woman`s touch(!),
    I need my freedom all the time
    yet I must strive to give it,
    even if I want to.
    I want my man to be the same as me
    but also absolutely different.
    I want too much at times
    and give too little…
    and sometimes it`s the other way around.
    Maybe I’m just selfish or unfaithful…
    Maybe I just care too much…
    (but not for me!)
    Maybe I’m a giver-upper…
    Maybe I’m a dreamer,
    (sometimes for you it could be too much…)
    Maybe I’m a sinner or a saint,
    or maybe I am both!
    Or maybe I just couldn`t care.
    Or maybe I’m just stubborn
    and I live in my own way –
    my own present, my own here and now…
    Maybe I`d refuse a teacher,
    for no one ever coped to see my soul.
    Maybe all I need is reach out
    for someone who would never want to let me go…
    Sometimes I’ll just need a lover,
    sometimes I’ll just need a friend…
    But for certain I will need a man –
    empathic in his bones – enough to
    hear my needs, without me having to explain.
    Maybe I’m just too demanding
    or submissive.
    Or just toxic.
    Or a rogue, and I might eat your powers.
    Maybe all I need is just for once –
    relationship that doesn`t kill me.
    Maybe I just shouldn`t let it anymore.
    Maybe I’m just weak or latent.
    Or maybe I’m too strong of female.
    That`s not well accepted,
    me – outsider,
    or perhaps (some say) an outlaw…
    Maybe I just crave a human`s touch,
    `cause I’m too lonely…
    Maybe I’m a loner and don`t need no other men.
    Maybe I’m too fragile
    or for some – too much to handle.
    Maybe I’m too little or irrelevant…
    Maybe I’m just too much me at times.
    Or maybe just naive.
    And you don`t know me yet…
    I am desperately impatient and I’m weird,
    socially quite awkward and I tend to cling.
    And if you wanna know what grumpy means,
    meet me when I’ve gained some weight
    (like now for instance!).
    I have trouble with committing
    and reject my own desires.
    Sometimes I forget to feed me or to wash my clothes,
    my mind expires.
    Sometimes I neglect all else!
    Sometimes I eat only bread for days!
    Sometimes I might get emotional, depressed
    and there`s nothing you can do about it…
    I`m a loner and my second chakra`s out of order.
    As a whole, I am the biggest controversy that I know…
    and sometimes I eat only bread for days.
    My mind`s a nonsense but at least my heart is pure.
    And my life`s a Deja-vu.
    Emotionally I’m a masochist – that`s not the first time.
    And the reason is not always you!
    I cannot lie, I do not want or need to,
    there`s almost nothing that I’d like to hide.
    And I do have expectations, but I`m still at peace.
    I`m content.
    And I`m capable of so much,
    yet I do depend on time!
    I`m the quickest learner, but as well –
    a fast forgetter.
    Nothing could disturb my peace.
    I am so imperfect, love,
    i`ll make you wonder:
    `How`d I get involved in all of this?`
    And so it is…
    There`s no one that could ever answer.
    Maybe it`s because you`re me.
    Or maybe it`s because you`re you.
    I`m me.
    We`re us – both true.
    Or maybe it`s because love doesn`t ask,
    and doesn`t care
    who`s me, who`s you,
    what`s who?
    I love my life so much!
    And LOVE IS PERFECT!!!
    And this we know, Love,
    LOVE IS TRUE!

    ~.~

    And if after this you still think that I`m perfect,
    then CONGRATULATIONS,
    you just earned yourself
    a perfect wife,
    who`ll ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!!

    Love and shining glitter sparkles of magic worm-holes,
    ~j

    ———————-
    28 Dec 2013

    ~ Hello, my lovelies,
    Jade and Will!!!

    Good morning or good afternoon or whatever time it is i have no idea!
    I just came back from my Saturday-brunch with the Snake.

    I think she might have saw you today in the Woods.
    At least it sounded like that.

    She told me a little story
    and I`d like to share it with you…
    (I hope that doesn`t count as gossip, you know I don`t like gossip).

    Anyway, here`s the story:
    (The Snake`s words)

    ~.~

    And there…
    I crawl now down below within the mist,
    I am the serpent and about to find myself.
    I curl and twist. A flash of speed – it`s all a second.
    I feel the ground, the moisture and the smellssss.
    The whole environment`s inside me.
    I’m at the shore now, dive in through the water,
    a dragon-monster who`s about to surface.
    I see her swimming, summoning me
    with her soundless prayers.
    And I take her, lift her to the skies –
    the clouds – magnificence within no order –
    all colors of the worlds collide beneath the morning air.
    We swirl while merging in pure love and trust.
    I show her the big picture as she rides me –
    panoramas that could take her breath.
    I’ll take her back now – feeding her desires.
    To the shore, the lake, all full of water flowers.
    The mist has lifted, sun-rays shining
    through the morning clouds.
    And as she leaves my side and she continues
    a man would join her, now she reaches for him.
    He was standing there and watching – the observer.
    He had searched for her and found her,
    deep within these forests of her dreams.
    She emerges now from deepest waters –
    a mirage to him – she takes his hand
    and guides him with her –
    a lotus flower sings their names –
    all-starry purple chains.
    The Universe is smiling.
    I watch them leaving now, they`re getting further,
    but our connection will remain.
    I close my eyes and feel the mountains they will walk upon.
    I see the breeze, I smell the sunset with its reds and pinks.
    I sense them kiss.
    My heart is finally at peace.
    My God and Goddess found each other and connected –
    and I can feel it now – my first remise.
    I am the serpent.
    And my soul is finally at peace.

    ~.~

    And that`s it!
    To be honest, I have never seen the snake so calm.
    I think she liked you, guys!

    Greetz and have a wonderful day,
    Wapiti Joe & co

    ———————-
    28 Dec 2013

    Good night, Will, my Love!
    I wish you peaceful dreams, dear!

    And I hope you never forget that I can feel you as if you`re my head and my body…
    I feel your pain and your worries, they`re mine.
    I feel your joy and happiness…
    It`s like I can see through your eyes and touch through your hands…
    What you feel in your heart is what I feel in mine…
    Your consciousness is my consciousness…

    I can and will forgive you anything, love!
    I know you`d do the same for me and so far you always have…

    We are ONE!!!

    THIS LOVE
    in our hearts
    could not be extinguished
    by simple human mistakes.

    THIS LOVE
    in our hearts
    is the purest
    and will remain this way.

    I REFUSE
    to interfere
    with your freedom of choice.

    But I want you to know,
    that the moment we see each other again
    and kiss,
    you`ll be kissing
    the happiest human being
    in this or any other worlds.

    And I want you to know,
    that you cannot hurt me,
    because my heart is full of LOVE!
    And I know yours is too!
    Because my heart is your heart!

    LOVE
    is
    all
    there
    is
    !!!

    And I want you to know,
    that I will love you
    no matter what.
    I always have.

    Sweet dreams, baby!
    YOU are
    always on my mind!

    love,
    ~j

    ———————-
    31 Jan 101

    a long long time ago,
    in a galaxy far away…

    jade_young
    (Jade Wonderstone at the age of 3)

  • Letting go (the love of my life)

    Ambivalent.
    That´s how I feel.
    That´s love and everything you asked for.
    My date went quite well, love,
    thanks for asking!
    ambivalent as all and …oh…,
    the four-word letter
    that would make them know.
    My Bruce Almighty found me,
    made me follow him and then surrender
    and later introduced me to his friends
    and fucked me in front All
    like in my secret letter
    how´d he know?
    (perhaps he was a pirate? 😉 )

    He was one step ahead of me
    and yet I AM the future?
    Just go and try explaining it…
    He knows that´s why he´s so admired.
    I guess that was his present for me –
    For he knows me, better than I know himself –
    I enjoyed all moments of cry-laughing.

    My date went quite well, love,
    thanks for asking!
    It turned out my admirer did show up.
    He showed up, gave me handsome glimpse – my everything,
    ´if I am ALL, then she will follow´ – he thought. And so I did.
    He tried to take me home with him – his hollow
    but I was just too slow, I could not follow –
    I lost him in the crowd.
    I turned around and went the opposite direction.
    That was my plan from the beginning –
    to give him something he had asked for
    and then leave it. As it is – to be.
    [So here it is, dear Secret,
    Love,
    Your letter, or at least what you have thought it should be,
    The truth is, it´s another, but it will remain handwritten,
    for I will delete it from the web. (the key was also part of it-
    my present for you!)]
    Instead he tricked me – always several steps ahead.
    He was almightier than Johnny Depp.
    (who used to be my favorite pirate,
    but now it´s him, the man I secretly admire).
    He has it all. And wants to give it to me badly…
    ***

    He showed up, yet he knew –
    I had a different meeting to attend.
    The distant star again. A different bar.
    ´Celestial Beings Undercover´.
    I took a beam of light and traveled
    in the cave – the grave AND cradle.
    I entered and then took a peek –
    the vibrance of the Universe embraced me
    so I thought – I´d have a beer.
    The youngest flesh and me –
    but not alone.
    My girlfriend from the dead –
    Amirah – she was there!, (he called) .
    She said it´s all a paradox.
    He knows I love it all.
    ***

    For love is all I am – my being, unaffected.
    I danced – my favorite part
    when we´re connected.
    It somehow felt like it was first though,
    I guess there is `a first` for everything.
    Some new synapses got reborn. 😉
    I was alone, but so were all the others.
    I called Wapiti and he brought me food –
    quite well prepared, with psychedelic shadows.
    And he as well reminded me – where there is shadow,
    there is light.  Vice versa. (Sometimes  .)
    He stayed a while and danced within me.
    Ambivalent, his omni-presence.
    We danced, it all got heated –
    the walls, the floor, the rocks,
    the light –
    all heat emitters.
    As our hearts – the fire needles.
    The energy was flowing freely as I felt it.
    And as I breathed –
    the room was certainly on fire.
    The floor was covered water –
    the flow was now all liquid.
    It perspired steamy in the air.
    The haze included all the colors.
    The light was what we´re breathing.
    For a moment.
    And then suddenly it happened,
    somehow it had all aligned,
    my love appeared – right there – and kissed me.
    And some other things he did to me as well. <3
    In front all. And said that he had missed me.
    And there´s things he´d like to show and tell.
    Things I did not know I know yet.
    (So do I. That´s why this letter
    I am sending anyway.)
    He stays a while and dances with me.
    Ambivalent, his omni-presence.
    Yet says he´s rather busy.
    And disappears – thin air.
    NOW.
    What IS matter? –
    When IS time? –
    And why AM I still with me,
    when I am actually long gone?
    And how´s it relevant? –
    All things I´d like to know.
    Please, show me!
    Where there is light – so I saw –
    there´s also shadow.
    Sometimes.
    It all somehow makes me dizzy.
    And it makes me want to travel
    through the light and heat and colors
    and sensations
    just to reach Him –
    my admirer.
    ***
    And, as we all know, we do all have it,
    says Wapiti.
    And each of us knows what the ´it´
    stands for.
    And as we know religions`relevant.
    And relative.
    And so is all.
    And I’m the subject!
    So are ALL!

    I´M IN.

    A process of acceleration.
    Will begin.

    And I had
    found
    my secret,
    my admirer.
    I know his mission now.
    He knows his missing link.
    And you, my dear,
    are my Omega.
    My Bruce Almighty, Bachelor of arts –
    my Will.
    He´s all I love –
    My chaos.
    He makes me centered.
    To find peace within all order,
    that´s beginning
    to surround me.
    My Chaos – my only
    true surveillance.
    You always were and always will be.
    My only Schrödinger.
    You´re always with me.
    And that´s our love, Love –
    Bruce Almighty
    vs.
    Truman´s Show.

    Ambivalence in me. Ambivalent –
    The Omnipresent.
    Mr. Z.
    The Presence.
    That keeps pushing mine away from me.
    Because every night I let you go, Love!
    I tell myself that´s right, I know.
    And the moment that would follow
    my whole being bursts – it´s hollow.
    But it´s full of love for you, no sorrow.
    The biggest paradox, like all there is,
    my love for you is endless – fraction of a second.
    You are all for me, but non-existent.
    You´re the air surrounding me, I breathe you in –
    your life – my sin. You´re my addiction.
    You´re the rose that brings me water.
    You´re the desert and the sand.
    You´re the earth beneath my feet
    and yet you´re in me. And above.
    You´re all weather and the storm –
    my shelter.
    You´re the wind that´s never gone.
    All the Planets and the Universe,
    and yet non-matter.
    You´re my heart – my only flame,
    that you extinguish – you´re the water
    and the bearer. You´re the mice and owls.
    You´re all my nonsense and my genius.
    I find you everywhere I’m never seeking.
    And you´re nowhere somehow sometimes
    you´re just freaky. You´re the love
    and yet you hate me, kill me,
    while you´re giving birth to all existence.
    You´re a lie – my only truth.
    You´re all I know – misunderstood.
    I married you before I met you
    and you were with me through my whole life
    although you cannot even see me.
    And I am safe with you, you are my freedom
    and my chains. No key –
    my heart cracked open.
    You are my gratitude
    and my resentment. You´re the purest
    of all filths I know.
    You´re the kindest and the gentlest,
    yet a bastard with a heart of stone –
    a seldom fossil, call it hope.
    You´re all the shattered pieces,
    yet the wholest, pure like ice.
    You´re my desperation, yet I´m so determined.
    I could wait for you for ages
    still I need you every second.
    You´re my patience and my craving.
    You´re my inspiration and the reason
    why I’m sleep-deprived, every night
    you´re in my dreams.
    And every date – a different season.
    You´re the portal and the light!
    You´re my cancer and my saving,
    rescuing myself from me.
    You´re all my sentences and yet I´m speechless,
    all this bliss that hurts so bad.
    You´re the story while you write it,
    I’m just telling it although I´m mute.
    You´re my inner peace and my dispute.
    You´re the cause and you´re the matter,
    you´re the effect and the time.
    You´re the craziness that makes me better.
    You´re my home, my house of glass,
    my pain, the stone
    that I must throw.
    Somehow you are all I know.
    And I could never let you go!

    So happy Anniversary, my Love, my Mr. # !
    And happy Winter!

    <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
    With
    MUCH LOVE!!!
    from Team
    AND HAPPY HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL.
    We will probably be back
    in 2014
    with some more letters
    and Quantum Poetry.

    For now
    Good night from Wonderland
    and sweet winter sleeps!
    And keep on dreaming!
    So will I!
    (^_^)

    Jade out!
    1426448_1404374623131823_75700871_n

  • Self-Picture

    Hello, dear friends!
    And thank You for all the love and support!

    I realized that we haven´t yet introduced our team properly!

    So here it goes..
    As you probably already noticed,
    the team consists of the three of us –
    cousin Wapiti Joe, my husband Will and myself – Jade Wonderstone.

    We live as simply as possible,
    here, in the Woods of Wonderland.
    And as you might´ve correctly guessed,
    here everything is magic and wonders <3 .
    well… sometimes little accidents happen.
    like for example this time when Wapiti got lost
    inside timelines and worlds.
    But he´s back now and everything is ok.
    As I said, we live as simply as possible,
    but that doesn´t mean
    that we don´t find ways to keep ourselves busy.
    There´s actually plenty here to be done.
    And of course each and every one of us
    has a particular and unique mission.
    Here´s pretty much how our days go by:
    the first thing we usually do is greet the Sun
    as he rises.
    And of course to thank him as he does.
    The Sun then thanks us back
    and kisses us all warmly on the forehead.
    We send him air kisses in return.
    Not that we wouldn´t love to hug and kiss him for real,
    but from experience we know – Wapiti tried it once –
    one might get injured,
    he burned his nose and it was red for three weeks.
    So we don´t do this anymore – we stick to air-kisses for now. 🙂

    After that we have breakfast – berries, nuts, herbs –
    the Woods have so much to offer !
    All we need to do is go out there and find it!
    And when we do, everything tastes like amazingness,
    because…
    well, because it´s all amazing!
    We gather berries, drink water from the spring on the hill
    and then head back to our home –
    our working place –
    our beautiful Castle on the cliff.
    That´s where the magic is born…

    My husband Will – the brain,
    a writer and a teacher.
    He teaches us of human history
    and how the rebels change the world.
    He´s also our accountant, lawyer
    and our politician
    and he cares a lot ´bout human rights.
    Wapiti, as you know, is… a wapiti.
    upstairs he has his hair salon –
    a hairdresser and astronomer, star-gazer.
    he teaches us how shadows fall.
    He knows his way with cutting hair –
    a natural geometer, mathematician,
    and philosopher, a quantum-theorist,
    by intuition.
    Me – a brain-lover with no brain at all,
    a soul is my whole being.
    And all I do is what I please –
    I paint and sing and see the future
    and dance and love and heal ourselves.
    Light and colors, sounds, vibrations –
    that´s all me –
    a universe, my husband says.

    Our working days are quite intense.
    All chaos and order, and then chaos again.
    We love it! It´s a mess, so beautiful!
    All what happens here´s just indescribable,
    you gotta feel it!
    Everyone creates and moves, dissolves –
    and sometimes reappears –
    no overview at certain points, true mess!
    We love it!

    After work we go back to the Woods.
    We pray and eat, make love and sleep a little.
    Oh, the nights, the Moon – breathtaking pretty.
    And all embraces us, tomorrow is another world!

    We love the most that we are
    Equal.
    And all the peace
    Revolves around this.
    Even in the outer worlds!
    A heart that burns with love – our
    Resurrection – simultaneously
    Cause and its own effect – our
    Hypothesis and theories and knowledge! Love
    Is our key
    To our
    Existence.
    Covering the
    Truths inside us!

    we´re all REAL,
    still all is FICTION
    and we´re all HERE
    and NOW
    and HUMAN
    and DIVINE –
    self-picture!



    LOVE
    is all for us!

    <3 <3 <3

    Newton-playing-architect-fs

    ———————

    * Architecture is a science arising out of many other sciences, and adorned with much and varied learning; by the help of which a judgment is formed of those works which are the result of other arts. Practice and theory are its parents.
    ~Vitruvius

    http://penelope.uchicago.edu/Thayer/E/Roman/Texts/Vitruvius/1*.html

  • for the big brother!

    I sense that
    you can see me now,
    but are you watching?
    Do you see me when I don´t?
    Observations are your specialty!
    Perhaps…
    for you that´s close enough?
    And can I see you too?
    If not, why not?
    You wouldn´t tell me…
    how´d I know?
    I couldn´t!
    Show yourself to me
    and we can talk!
    For certain,
    we could both feel better.
    Now just show yourself to me!
    I beg your pardon!
    And again… You wouldn´t.
    Doesn´t matter!
    Do you know me?
    Can you tell me who I am?
    If you would ask myself politely,
    I could show you!
    ´cause you see my outsides
    and you like it,
    but you do NOT know me!
    And you make me feel like
    i´ve done wrong!
    But…
    how´d you know?
    Are you observing?
    And how´d you find me?
    Who are you now?
    Please, may I know?
    Why not?!
    You wouldn´t show me…
    It will alter me,
    you´d say.
    But so does my suspicion!
    That´s manipulation of the mind!
    I demand you freed me!
    Oh… enjoying this, you are,
    and how!
    My ignorance… so blissful!
    But I’ve heard you breathe already –
    that´s the cause.
    The effect is – it makes me crazy!
    Paranoia! All my fears come out!
    And all this fear just makes me lazy,
    my potential´s getting stagnant!
    And I pray, I hope to grow!
    But I need certainty,
    I have to know!
    You say it´s for my own protection!
    But is it so?!
    Or is it just another level,
    a degree of separation!
    And you want me to obey,
    to simply work and pray
    and pay
    your debts from long ago!
    And yet, you wouldn´t even show me
    who you are.
    I´m not alone,
    for certain!
    (actually I am because all the other animals scattered…)
    (and it´s cold and dark at night here, in the Woods…)
    But I am not afraid!
    And never will be!
    And somehow it all gets quite clear –
    it´s you – the one that has to fear me!
    Because I am not alone,
    in fact,
    we´re more than ever!
    And all the other 99 will come and fight!
    And search for you
    and when we find you
    (and we will, the world is small!)
    You´ll have a big time of explaining,
    for I’m not your little brother anymore!
    The big surveillance!
    Yes, you´re creepy,
    with your lies and hide-and-seek!
    So…
    Are you watching now?
    You´re not?
    I thought you liked it!
    Now go back inside your hole,
    your hiding place!
    But I will find you
    and demand some answers!
    Who you´re working for
    and why´d you bother?
    Am I so interesting to you,
    so fascinating?
    Or is it just to comfort you
    that i´m not perfect
    and mistakeful?
    But i´m not!
    I´ve done no wrong!
    And I´m here more than you
    to help, protect and serve
    and love
    then go.
    Clear consciousness, that´s all!

    http://www.denisbeaubois.com/Amnesia/In%20the%20event%20of%20Amnesia%20copy%202.html

  • From Jade´s Letters…

    your touch…
    and your lips…
    and your eyes…
    and your face…
    and your voice…
    and your mind…
    and every bit of your body…
    your skin…
    and your beard…
    god I love this beard…
    and your breath…
    and my breath…
    together as one…
    and our bodies…
    moving slowly…
    pulsating in deepest pleasure…
    and the dimmed light…
    and the explosions of ecstasy…
    and all the sounds of love…
    everything…
    I want it all…
    only with you…
    only with you…
    i want it too…
    1520809_246924338799767_183910657_n

  • Those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait

    An interesting thing I just remembered.
    a while ago there was a party in the woods –
    you know the story –
    the shaman and the warrior stopped time
    and so much happened,
    in a fraction of a second.
    But I remember just before that,
    my cousin, Wapiti Joe, and I
    had an interesting talk.
    I had a memory of distant teacher.
    A temporary school I had attended –
    a different life perhaps, who knows…
    But anyway… I had remembered.
    At the party someone spoke about a pirate
    and it flashed me – my black savior.
    In an old apartment building,
    and a long ago,
    but I knew him somehow.
    He was like my ghost, a phantom.
    Wapiti suddenly was wide awake, all ears.
    – A Phantom??? – and his throat was cleared.
    I giggled. – Yes, dear cousin. – I continued.
    Like a ghost of certain kind – still vivid, but illusion.
    And I knew him! All he did, his occupation.
    – But I thought you said he was a pirate. –
    interrupted me confusedly the Beaver.
    – A pi… Yes.. Yes he was a pirate… sometimes.
    But you see – he was a ghost, a writer and a teacher.
    Mostly.
    Just to me, he was a pirate. A pirate-prince, to be exact.
    Still a teacher, though, I know – it is confusing.
    All the animals seemed overwhelmed and silent.
    But my story was just yet to come.
    ***

    So I concentrated for a bit, I wasn´t sure how to continue.
    Wapiti saw my insecurity, my hesitation
    and then with a serious, empathic hoof-touch, asked:
    – So… his occupation, you were saying…?
    – Yes, he wasn´t just a pirate.
    -The ghost who lived above me
    is a teacher. – I replied.
    – How´d you know? –
    Wapiti asked.
    I smiled.
    – I know. – I answered.
    For everyone´s a teacher*,
    some of us just wouldn´t show it.
    Wapiti was excited and delirious,
    adventurer´s ghost stories
    were his favorite.
    Tell me more! –
    he asked impatient.
    I admit it, it was not at all that boring.


    So we sat down there, by the fire,
    all the other animals had gathered,
    all were watching me, I got inspired. 🙂
    – So here is how this story goes… – I started.
    Once upon a time, I knew a ghost.
    The ghost was living right above me.
    He used to listen to just every word I say.
    And he adored me in a way
    I never knew I could desire.
    The story was indeed all upside-down.
    I knew he cared for me, although I never met him.
    I trusted him as well, in spite of all.
    With all my heart I trusted him, you know…
    It´s somewhat weird – our whole relationship –
    sufficiently uncommon, but yet clear.

    I never met him, but I heard him all the time.
    And sensed when he was moving –
    the building was quite old.
    I tried to visit him, you know me, I am curious.
    I rang the bell – he wasn´t home.
    I felt like he betrayed me somehow,
    But he hadn´t done a thing –
    my pain was an illusion.
    Just like him –
    a phantom wing.
    And this phantom wing instead of flying
    was all rooting and unpleasant.
    So I left, I went back home and reconsidered.
    I knew he was pretending – a game,
    a final swing.
    I guess I had to just move on.
    Although I could still hear him there, you know,
    the walls were thin – and also an illusion.
    I could hear him, sense him and knew mostly what he´s up to.
    yet I had to give him up,
    with all my hope to finally meet him.
    The most peculiar relinquishment.

    And not enough –
    a painful silence followed.


    And as I was telling the story,
    the pain came back for a second
    and got stuck in my throat.
    Wapiti handed me a sip of water,
    adding:
    -… Relinquishment, you say…?
    – Mhm… I had to finally accept
    there´s nothing there to be accepted.
    The ghost who lived above me…
    Was a phantom!
    And yet, I simply trusted him…
    He thus became my teacher.
    He taught me what was there per se
    and what was real.
    To hear behind the words
    and see behind the objects
    is to know.
    to search is all.

    ***

    – But you said you knew him? –
    all the animals were curious.
    – Yes. – finally I was at peace again.
    He visited me in my dreams – the pirate.
    That´s how I knew him.
    I only saw his eyes there.
    The first time that we met,
    was as well the latest
    and the realest.
    Ever since it´s all a Deja-vu.
    Because I knew him, even though I hadn´t met him.
    And I trusted him as well.
    And I loved his aura, it was honest.
    And for real it made me feel,
    like all is all and nothing´s nothing.
    Just my thing – I like him.
    As if I knew just what he was to give me…

    The second time – a long ago –
    there was a city
    and in my dream I got in trouble.
    And – an instinct- somehow wished for him to come,
    although I didn´t know him –
    and I hadn´t seen him.
    And he came! Felt like a miracle!
    And I saw his eye again,
    although he hid it.
    And he saved me,
    gave me shelter in an unknown city.
    It was well intense, obsessive.

    ***
    The last time when I saw him
    was, you know, the first one.
    I was just a girl – a blond one.
    And I wanted just to see him.
    So I called him in my dream
    I didn´t know him
    and I hadn´t met him.
    But I knew he´s there.
    And he appeared,
    and it was different –
    I was way too young
    and he was old.
    He took me with him to an island –
    golden sand all over
    and the Sun.
    And he tells me I was young,
    I need to learn.
    and then he leaves me.
    And is gone.
    Uncertainty again.
    And separation.
    Sun and sand and me.
    Relinquishment again.
    All was gone –
    I felt.
    But in reality, it was a dream.
    For this whole story
    was yet to be told.
    I was a child then as I said.

    The ghost, my teacher,
    pirate-prince who leaves me hanging,
    was still a resident in his apartment right above me.
    And I could hear him breathe again.
    He later on became my lover,
    he didn´t know that yet.
    The biggest mystery of all – uncovered –
    the pirate – prince was undercover.
    He was supposed to find me,
    rescue me, then love me,
    but he´s left me on this island.
    while I know that he´s at home
    and flips and turns in agony,
    his inside-outs are full of faith.
    And hope.
    And love.

    And we both know
    that I´ll be safe here on the island.
    All alone.
    For just as him I´m certain,
    that time is linear – in all directions
    and all universes.
    An illusion just like space and matter.
    And the present is a vertex – so is love,
    so is hope and faith and all the others

    – The present is a vertex – and my gift for you! –
    the teacher-phantom sang once to me.
    So are all the others.
    You just feel, create and learn. –
    he said.

    Enjoy the ride!

    And happy holidays!