Those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait

An interesting thing I just remembered.
a while ago there was a party in the woods –
you know the story –
the shaman and the warrior stopped time
and so much happened,
in a fraction of a second.
But I remember just before that,
my cousin, Wapiti Joe, and I
had an interesting talk.
I had a memory of distant teacher.
A temporary school I had attended –
a different life perhaps, who knows…
But anyway… I had remembered.
At the party someone spoke about a pirate
and it flashed me – my black savior.
In an old apartment building,
and a long ago,
but I knew him somehow.
He was like my ghost, a phantom.
Wapiti suddenly was wide awake, all ears.
– A Phantom??? – and his throat was cleared.
I giggled. – Yes, dear cousin. – I continued.
Like a ghost of certain kind – still vivid, but illusion.
And I knew him! All he did, his occupation.
– But I thought you said he was a pirate. –
interrupted me confusedly the Beaver.
– A pi… Yes.. Yes he was a pirate… sometimes.
But you see – he was a ghost, a writer and a teacher.
Mostly.
Just to me, he was a pirate. A pirate-prince, to be exact.
Still a teacher, though, I know – it is confusing.
All the animals seemed overwhelmed and silent.
But my story was just yet to come.
***

So I concentrated for a bit, I wasn´t sure how to continue.
Wapiti saw my insecurity, my hesitation
and then with a serious, empathic hoof-touch, asked:
– So… his occupation, you were saying…?
– Yes, he wasn´t just a pirate.
-The ghost who lived above me
is a teacher. – I replied.
– How´d you know? –
Wapiti asked.
I smiled.
– I know. – I answered.
For everyone´s a teacher*,
some of us just wouldn´t show it.
Wapiti was excited and delirious,
adventurer´s ghost stories
were his favorite.
Tell me more! –
he asked impatient.
I admit it, it was not at all that boring.

…
So we sat down there, by the fire,
all the other animals had gathered,
all were watching me, I got inspired. 🙂
– So here is how this story goes… – I started.
Once upon a time, I knew a ghost.
The ghost was living right above me.
He used to listen to just every word I say.
And he adored me in a way
I never knew I could desire.
The story was indeed all upside-down.
I knew he cared for me, although I never met him.
I trusted him as well, in spite of all.
With all my heart I trusted him, you know…
It´s somewhat weird – our whole relationship –
sufficiently uncommon, but yet clear.

I never met him, but I heard him all the time.
And sensed when he was moving –
the building was quite old.
I tried to visit him, you know me, I am curious.
I rang the bell – he wasn´t home.
I felt like he betrayed me somehow,
But he hadn´t done a thing –
my pain was an illusion.
Just like him –
a phantom wing.
And this phantom wing instead of flying
was all rooting and unpleasant.
So I left, I went back home and reconsidered.
I knew he was pretending – a game,
a final swing.
I guess I had to just move on.
Although I could still hear him there, you know,
the walls were thin – and also an illusion.
I could hear him, sense him and knew mostly what he´s up to.
yet I had to give him up,
with all my hope to finally meet him.
The most peculiar relinquishment.

And not enough –
a painful silence followed.

…
And as I was telling the story,
the pain came back for a second
and got stuck in my throat.
Wapiti handed me a sip of water,
adding:
-… Relinquishment, you say…?
– Mhm… I had to finally accept
there´s nothing there to be accepted.
The ghost who lived above me…
Was a phantom!
And yet, I simply trusted him…
He thus became my teacher.
He taught me what was there per se
and what was real.
To hear behind the words
and see behind the objects
is to know.
to search is all.

***

– But you said you knew him? –
all the animals were curious.
– Yes. – finally I was at peace again.
He visited me in my dreams – the pirate.
That´s how I knew him.
I only saw his eyes there.
The first time that we met,
was as well the latest
and the realest.
Ever since it´s all a Deja-vu.
Because I knew him, even though I hadn´t met him.
And I trusted him as well.
And I loved his aura, it was honest.
And for real it made me feel,
like all is all and nothing´s nothing.
Just my thing – I like him.
As if I knew just what he was to give me…

The second time – a long ago –
there was a city
and in my dream I got in trouble.
And – an instinct- somehow wished for him to come,
although I didn´t know him –
and I hadn´t seen him.
And he came! Felt like a miracle!
And I saw his eye again,
although he hid it.
And he saved me,
gave me shelter in an unknown city.
It was well intense, obsessive.

***
The last time when I saw him
was, you know, the first one.
I was just a girl – a blond one.
And I wanted just to see him.
So I called him in my dream
I didn´t know him
and I hadn´t met him.
But I knew he´s there.
And he appeared,
and it was different –
I was way too young
and he was old.
He took me with him to an island –
golden sand all over
and the Sun.
And he tells me I was young,
I need to learn.
and then he leaves me.
And is gone.
Uncertainty again.
And separation.
Sun and sand and me.
Relinquishment again.
All was gone –
I felt.
But in reality, it was a dream.
For this whole story
was yet to be told.
I was a child then as I said.

The ghost, my teacher,
pirate-prince who leaves me hanging,
was still a resident in his apartment right above me.
And I could hear him breathe again.
He later on became my lover,
he didn´t know that yet.
The biggest mystery of all – uncovered –
the pirate – prince was undercover.
He was supposed to find me,
rescue me, then love me,
but he´s left me on this island.
while I know that he´s at home
and flips and turns in agony,
his inside-outs are full of faith.
And hope.
And love.

And we both know
that I´ll be safe here on the island.
All alone.
For just as him I´m certain,
that time is linear – in all directions
and all universes.
An illusion just like space and matter.
And the present is a vertex – so is love,
so is hope and faith and all the others

– The present is a vertex – and my gift for you! –
the teacher-phantom sang once to me.
So are all the others.
You just feel, create and learn. –
he said.

Enjoy the ride!

And happy holidays!