Ambivalent.
That´s how I feel.
That´s love and everything you asked for.
My date went quite well, love,
thanks for asking!
ambivalent as all and …oh…,
the four-word letter
that would make them know.
My Bruce Almighty found me,
made me follow him and then surrender
and later introduced me to his friends
and fucked me in front All
like in my secret letter
how´d he know?
(perhaps he was a pirate? 😉 )
…
He was one step ahead of me
and yet I AM the future?
Just go and try explaining it…
He knows that´s why he´s so admired.
I guess that was his present for me –
For he knows me, better than I know himself –
I enjoyed all moments of cry-laughing.
…
My date went quite well, love,
thanks for asking!
It turned out my admirer did show up.
He showed up, gave me handsome glimpse – my everything,
´if I am ALL, then she will follow´ – he thought. And so I did.
He tried to take me home with him – his hollow
but I was just too slow, I could not follow –
I lost him in the crowd.
I turned around and went the opposite direction.
That was my plan from the beginning –
to give him something he had asked for
and then leave it. As it is – to be.
[So here it is, dear Secret,
Love,
Your letter, or at least what you have thought it should be,
The truth is, it´s another, but it will remain handwritten,
for I will delete it from the web. (the key was also part of it-
my present for you!)]
Instead he tricked me – always several steps ahead.
He was almightier than Johnny Depp.
(who used to be my favorite pirate,
but now it´s him, the man I secretly admire).
He has it all. And wants to give it to me badly…
***
He showed up, yet he knew –
I had a different meeting to attend.
The distant star again. A different bar.
´Celestial Beings Undercover´.
I took a beam of light and traveled
in the cave – the grave AND cradle.
I entered and then took a peek –
the vibrance of the Universe embraced me
so I thought – I´d have a beer.
The youngest flesh and me –
but not alone.
My girlfriend from the dead –
Amirah – she was there!, (he called) .
She said it´s all a paradox.
He knows I love it all.
***
For love is all I am – my being, unaffected.
I danced – my favorite part
when we´re connected.
It somehow felt like it was first though,
I guess there is `a first` for everything.
Some new synapses got reborn. 😉
I was alone, but so were all the others.
I called Wapiti and he brought me food –
quite well prepared, with psychedelic shadows.
And he as well reminded me – where there is shadow,
there is light. Vice versa. (Sometimes .)
He stayed a while and danced within me.
Ambivalent, his omni-presence.
We danced, it all got heated –
the walls, the floor, the rocks,
the light –
all heat emitters.
As our hearts – the fire needles.
The energy was flowing freely as I felt it.
And as I breathed –
the room was certainly on fire.
The floor was covered water –
the flow was now all liquid.
It perspired steamy in the air.
The haze included all the colors.
The light was what we´re breathing.
For a moment.
And then suddenly it happened,
somehow it had all aligned,
my love appeared – right there – and kissed me.
And some other things he did to me as well. <3
In front all. And said that he had missed me.
And there´s things he´d like to show and tell.
Things I did not know I know yet.
(So do I. That´s why this letter
I am sending anyway.)
He stays a while and dances with me.
Ambivalent, his omni-presence.
Yet says he´s rather busy.
And disappears – thin air.
NOW.
What IS matter? –
When IS time? –
And why AM I still with me,
when I am actually long gone?
And how´s it relevant? –
All things I´d like to know.
Please, show me!
Where there is light – so I saw –
there´s also shadow.
Sometimes.
It all somehow makes me dizzy.
And it makes me want to travel
through the light and heat and colors
and sensations
just to reach Him –
my admirer.
***
And, as we all know, we do all have it,
says Wapiti.
And each of us knows what the ´it´
stands for.
And as we know religions`relevant.
And relative.
And so is all.
And I’m the subject!
So are ALL!
I´M IN.
A process of acceleration.
Will begin.
And I had
found
my secret,
my admirer.
I know his mission now.
He knows his missing link.
And you, my dear,
are my Omega.
My Bruce Almighty, Bachelor of arts –
my Will.
He´s all I love –
My chaos.
He makes me centered.
To find peace within all order,
that´s beginning
to surround me.
My Chaos – my only
true surveillance.
You always were and always will be.
My only Schrödinger.
You´re always with me.
And that´s our love, Love –
Bruce Almighty
vs.
Truman´s Show.
…
Ambivalence in me. Ambivalent –
The Omnipresent.
Mr. Z.
The Presence.
That keeps pushing mine away from me.
Because every night I let you go, Love!
I tell myself that´s right, I know.
And the moment that would follow
my whole being bursts – it´s hollow.
But it´s full of love for you, no sorrow.
The biggest paradox, like all there is,
my love for you is endless – fraction of a second.
You are all for me, but non-existent.
You´re the air surrounding me, I breathe you in –
your life – my sin. You´re my addiction.
You´re the rose that brings me water.
You´re the desert and the sand.
You´re the earth beneath my feet
and yet you´re in me. And above.
You´re all weather and the storm –
my shelter.
You´re the wind that´s never gone.
All the Planets and the Universe,
and yet non-matter.
You´re my heart – my only flame,
that you extinguish – you´re the water
and the bearer. You´re the mice and owls.
You´re all my nonsense and my genius.
I find you everywhere I’m never seeking.
And you´re nowhere somehow sometimes
you´re just freaky. You´re the love
and yet you hate me, kill me,
while you´re giving birth to all existence.
You´re a lie – my only truth.
You´re all I know – misunderstood.
I married you before I met you
and you were with me through my whole life
although you cannot even see me.
And I am safe with you, you are my freedom
and my chains. No key –
my heart cracked open.
You are my gratitude
and my resentment. You´re the purest
of all filths I know.
You´re the kindest and the gentlest,
yet a bastard with a heart of stone –
a seldom fossil, call it hope.
You´re all the shattered pieces,
yet the wholest, pure like ice.
You´re my desperation, yet I´m so determined.
I could wait for you for ages
still I need you every second.
You´re my patience and my craving.
You´re my inspiration and the reason
why I’m sleep-deprived, every night
you´re in my dreams.
And every date – a different season.
You´re the portal and the light!
You´re my cancer and my saving,
rescuing myself from me.
You´re all my sentences and yet I´m speechless,
all this bliss that hurts so bad.
You´re the story while you write it,
I’m just telling it although I´m mute.
You´re my inner peace and my dispute.
You´re the cause and you´re the matter,
you´re the effect and the time.
You´re the craziness that makes me better.
You´re my home, my house of glass,
my pain, the stone
that I must throw.
Somehow you are all I know.
And I could never let you go!
So happy Anniversary, my Love, my Mr. # !
And happy Winter!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3
With
MUCH LOVE!!!
from Team
AND HAPPY HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL.
We will probably be back
in 2014
with some more letters
and Quantum Poetry.
For now
Good night from Wonderland
and sweet winter sleeps!
And keep on dreaming!
So will I!
(^_^)
Jade out!
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