Wapiti Joe

Autor: Denitsa Angelova

  • I’ll be patient.

    ~

    I know we’re just friends and you said people are the happiest when they don’t want anything but I do. I want so much for us. So much out of this relationship. I want love and loyalty and great sex. I want to marry you, have children and spend my life with you. I want to travel the world with you, learn all about you and have a little garden with roses and cherries. And I know it won’t happen right away and there’s no way to find out if all of it will happen at all… But what if we just try it one by one? I’ll be patient, I promise.

  • What I feel for you is beyond love

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    I thought I loved you but that wasn’t all by far. Because love is what you made of me and love is what you are.  A messiah here to rescue all, the most brilliant there ever was, the only one complete and whole. An inspiration and a spark of hope, for all who know you, and for all who don’t. You wake up in us all this latent will to give,  the universal love shall all be yours, forever to bestow. The healer of all pain, the bringer of all joy, the one and only who provides us with the truth. You’re inside all and nothing, everyone is just like you, even though you’re so unique. Your senses of divine shall spread through all. In this world and in any other, you are the purest, heart and love of worldly mother. You’re my world, my life, my faith, what I feel for you is beyond all love, beyond belonging and I hope you are forever blessed.

    ~jade

  • To the unfaithful ones

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    ~

    Falling apart
    and on my knees.
    I can’t help but weep
    There’s so much I miss.
    I need to get back my home
    I need to hold still your kiss
    I need you for real
    and know this –
    it’s hard to admit
    I feel every heartbeat
    heavy pain in my chest
    getting harder to breathe,
    getting lost in the pit.
    Getting lost all the way,
    missing you and so hurt by this play
    I can’t stay.
    I won’t stay.
    All you wanted was for me
    to move away
    and all you do is
    go astray.
    Go the hell!
    Back to where you came!
    Leave me alone!
    Let me go!
    I’m not ashamed!
    You’re the one who’s afraid!
    You’re unable to be true!
    You were ever hardly faithful
    and I hope she finds out too!
    And when she plays these tricks on you,
    you’ll wish for me, but we’ll be through!

    ~
    Love will never grow
    unless it is planted
    in honesty.

  • It’s You

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    ~

    I want to tell you so much and yet there are so little words.
    I’ve written to you so often and yet I’m afraid you just never knew.
    I’ve tried my best in all letters, yet nothing conveys what I mean.
    But it no longer matters, because I won’t cease to feel.
    I’ve done much but I know it’s just never enough.
    It has started and runs through my veins,
    Neither it ends, nor can it ever speed up.
    Each day, each breath I let through, it’s just never enough.
    (It’s all you.)
    Two years, two months and two weeks I’ve been wanting to tell you.
    Two years, two months and two weeks I have felt as I do.
    Two years, two months and two weeks since the first time I felt you.
    Two years, two months, fourteen days I have craved back your kiss.
    A kiss placed on my forehead has been ringing inside.
    In a dark blueish tone in my throat, always filling my eyes
    with tears of all left undone, of all that I miss.

    Two years and seventy-six
    days since you gave me all this,
    giving me all I could need,
    and a thought that I cannot dismiss…
    “I wish I was his…”
    Leaving me burnt with that tension of lives unfulfilled,
    unrelieved moments I’ve dreamt of
    shared with you only, there’s so much I miss.
    It persists.
    Becomes one with the rust on my cold-layered armor of tin.
    Leaving me crumble and dying to live just with you, just your kiss…

    Eight-hundred six
    days I’ve been trying to find you.
    Locked inside pattern of puzzles,
    riddles of symbols and signs, games of my mind.
    Two years and a million minutes
    all I could think of is you.
    Two years of a presence around me.
    And that dream that you’re mine, that it’s true.
    Two years one-thousand eight-hundred twenty-four hours,
    I have lived with the demons, with the thought that you’re here,
    yet I search all around, every face, every sound,
    beyond science and reason,
    beneath heavens and ground.

    I can see you so clear.

    I have met with the Satan, I have asked all them Gods,
    I’ve been worshiped and hated.
    It won’t stop till you’re near.

    Several worlds I’ve created,
    several hearts I’ve destroyed,
    several slaves I’ve imprisoned
    but there’s not much I fear.

    I have searched you and found you more often than not,
    you were forever my every desire, temptation and thought,
    you are so deeply within
    my heart’s every embarrassing knot.

    A torture, a wire and chains,
    a fire or flames?
    I don’t know what it is,
    what remains
    after all that’s been said
    what’s all this?
    I am his
    I am yours
    Are you mine?
    If someday I am gone,
    is there something to miss?

    I don’t know what remains
    Sanity’s not my strong side
    But I know once we’re done
    I will keep you forever inside
    Feel my deepest and truest for you
    and I’ll hope that you knew

    And I’ll pray
    and I’ll hope
    and I’ll cry
    But I’ll know I have tried
    And I’ve sent you this letter
    And I’ve told you I loved
    to think you’re obsessed with me too.

    .
    ~

    .

    .

    .
    P.S.
    ———————-.
    All of Jade’s letters are for you.
    All of Kassandra’s magic is because of you.
    All of William’s support was to help me find you.
    All of Wapiti Joe’s time travels were to know you,
    that’s not over.
    So many worlds were born because I don’t want to hold back
    what I feel for you.
    Because I am impatient.
    Because it is so loud.
    Because I felt so much.
    Because words cannot describe it. 
    Because I cannot concentrate on anything else.
    Because I do not want to.
    Because you said to work on
    what’s important.
    Because
    it’s you.
    And always has been.
    And always will be.

    Because I wanted to know.
    Because you are the ghost
    who lives upstairs.
    And I love you.
    So much.

    ~

    <3

     

  • I love you more.

    Take my hand and walk me through your world.
    I promise I will never say a single word.
    I’ll follow you and be your shadow,
    I’ll love you for as long as mountains turn to sand.
    I’ll hear your breath and listen to your feelings,
    I’ll trace your lips and every movement.
    I’ll keep you safe wherever you feel angry,
    and pray for you if you get sick.
    I’ll stay with you whenever you feel lonely,
    I’ll share with you just every night sky and all stars.
    Just take my hand and I’ll be yours forever,
    I’ll be the love you never thought could have.
    I’ll stay by you to see you happy,
    and be your shoulder when you’re sad.
    I’ll be your best friend and your woman,
    I’ll keep you safe when you are mad.
    I’ll share your life, your dreams and future,
    I’ll be your freedom to forget the past.
    I’ll love you whole and never let go,
    you’ll always have my full attention.
    I’ll love you restlessly and keep insisting,
    a chance to love you’s all I need.
    Please, take my hand and let me love you,
    walk me through the layers of your world.
    I’ll see and feel and know you truly,
    I’ll love you always more if you come back.
    I’ll love you always more, I’m yours forever.

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  • I’ll burn forever deep

    forever deep

    ~.~
    There’s nothing in the world that ever had a hold of me this way,
    a single thought, the feeling of yourself has taken my whole sanity away.
    A love so deep it’s drowning me into this perfect realm,
    pulling my true being out in all directions.
    It hurts and it’s incredibly disorienting,
    at times I don’t know where I’m standing,
    I toss and turn, rejecting it and trying to escape,
    but there is nothing I want more than it to stay.
    And I want you.
    I want you more than anything I ever wanted.
    I want to be a part of you, inside your every cell.
    I want you back for all those lifetimes I remember,
    in which we always got apart – by death.

    I want you and I know my love for you will never fade.
    I know I’ll always seek you and at every peek I’ll tremble,
    I know your voice as if it’s always ringing in my head.
    I know your perfect eyes for they’re imprinted on all pieces of my heart,
    the fragrance of your being is my soul’s embrace.
    And I will always find you, follow you and fuse within your sight and soul.
    Kill me now, and I will find you.
    Kill me now and you will know, my love for you is never ending
    and in each remaining corner of your life eternally will show.
    Kill me now and you will see, the echo of my aura will become the essence of your senses. The absence of it will translate into eternal snow.
    Kill me now if you don’t want me and I will be forever grateful.
    Kill me now for you have saved me and I’ve bequeathed you my soul.

    Kill me now with your bare hands please, for with your absence you are doing so in coldest manners
    and all I do is burn beneath this ice you call a heart.
    And all I am is fire on the bottom of an iceberg, just slightly brushing all this mightiness of you and reaching out as I can hear it –
    a tiny flame within the iceberg’s still alive and we both feel it,
    and it is whispering my name, and it is reaching out its tiny hand
    from deep within the toughest ice-cold ego.

    So kill me now or you be with me, let us burn a tunnel in the iceberg of your past,
    just take my hand and we can be together – whether it’s in silence or in pain.
    I’m here for you, you please remember, and I’ll be here forever more.
    I’ll haunt your dreams and beg until surrender,
    for love is just a fickle flame away.
    This love I feel will never vanish. Never! Not even for a single day!

    I’ve given to you the whole choice, I’ve put my prayers in an iceberg,
    I’ve let my guard down just for you and now I’m purely naked
    and it’s all for you to see. To trust in my intentions and to know,
    that I will never ever let you go.

    So please, just take my hand and let us fly away,
    or kill me and just let my body in the ground decay,
    but either way I’m yours forever, my heart will never in this world or any other, belong to anybody but yourself.
    The essence of your being is the reason why every time I choose to live.
    I love you. And I will burn inside your soul.
    I love you. And you’re the one I’ll always seek to know.
    I love you. And I will burn forever deep.

     

    Love,
    ~Will

  • As simple as a paradox can be

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    ~.~

    The moment that you saved me
    I have given you my heart and soul.
    My life, my thoughts and all I know.
    Unwanted as it was, indeed it happened,
    collision of a single world,
    of my own life and death.

    The moment that our eyes met
    was just perfect,
    a lifetime’s worth of living.
    An existence wholesome was divided,
    part of me remained and part of me collided.

    I have given you my heart, my soul, my trust,
    my hopes belong to you now
    and in exchange you’ve let me
    stay with you.

    You’ve let me stay inside this dream
    of signs and symbols, melodies enchanted
    and your sweet sweet-ringing voice,

    but finally you’ve emptied my life of your presence,
    you’ve let me fall into an endless pitch-black tempting void.

    And now you’re gone forever, left me painfully alone.

    *

    A paradox of life and matter,
    of time and all those circumstances –
    non-existing, but still here, still relevant, related.
    Still facing us inside the mirror.
    I look up and I see your face,
    enclosed so deeply into memory and clouds,
    they let me wondering each day if I’m still here, if I’m still breathing,
    as mighty storms reverberate within me,
    just as they do so well without.

    Am I still living?
    Am I just too afraid to go outside and shout?
    If all’s unreal then what am I?
    What is it?
    What is this suffocating heartly feel?
    Why do I still so badly wish that you were real?
    What do I fear?

    What is it?

    ***

    I know one thing for certain and it’s that I will never know for sure.
    What’s real sometimes is something that just feels so perfectly untrue.
    The stinging memory of intertwining, of those separate worlds
    that are not more than one,
    began before I met you
    and I loved you even long before I knew I can.
    Irrelevant now, we’re all dead – in countless times,
    still multiplying as the verses of a song with just one single line.
    Too little or too much, too lost in memories or future hopes,
    or maybe grounded here and now,
    but we all feel, and wish there was a way to know.
    And live through it, breath in and dive,
    then let it go and for a moment feel alive,
    in blissful ignorance, forgetting how to say goodbye, in time.
    And the reflection’s waving back, awaiting for us to lay down, surrender one day and just peacefully collide.

    ~.~
    Jade

  • Because Words Cannot Describe It

     

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    ~.~

    You are perfect and this feeling doesn’t go away.
    Hours, days, years and it stubbornly refuses to leave.

    And I do need you. But not in the ordinary way. I need you in this inexplicably controversial way like I would need the hand holding my throat, suffocating me. Yet this hand is what reminds me that I am still alive, as well, and breathing. Reminding me I only need one reason to live, and this reason has always been you. Your existence means everything to me. I’ve never been more sure.

    Your mere existence saturates my obsession and gives me the tickle of a cosmic roller coaster. Huge star-like fireworks. Everything one could imagine but more.

    Loving you has become my obsession and hunger. I hunger for you. In fact my whole Universe hungers for you. One touch and you have left me infinitely starved.

    You are the most perfect human being and everything that I am not. For which you deserve my utter respect. And even greater curiosity.

    An eternally deep idle craving, awakened by the lightest tip of a kiss. And chaos. So much chaos. My whole world keeps turning upside-down. You keep turning all my life, my being upside-down, not having the slightest idea of it, changing me for good. One look from your eyes into my soul, and dimensions changed. Dimensions that become your toy, and you – my Master.

    No words could ever eloquently express what I feel for you. Because even the most majestic adjectives are too pale to describe it, too dull. Words cannot describe it. They never could.

    ~JW

  • …nice to meet you! 😉

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    ~.~

    I often think about the first time that we met.
    How when I found you and you asked me what my name was
    I didn’t give it right away. It was way too loud and complicated to explain back then, but pretty much my thoughts on it are still the same.
    I’m not my name, no matter how much I might love it!
    …
    And space and time are also nothing else but fractals.
    A second or a year or maybe several lifetimes –
    all look quite the same.
    Zoom it in or out – a repetition
    of Infinity herself.
    Consider vibes,
    consider age,
    consider frequency,
    consider size,
    consider love
    and how it moves you,
    consider depth –
    your own illusion.
    Think of how time passes
    when you’re loved
    and think of how it stops
    when you feel lost or waiting.
    Consider now the Universe –
    a growing mind, a cell, an organism.
    Think of how it feels or what it knows.
    Now zoom out further and it shows
    its depth – all matter of your own perception.
    Now reconsider all you know
    about yourself – it’s wrong!
    There’s nothing to it – just a thought
    and that’s not you.
    You’re not the books you’ve read.
    You’re not the people that you’ve met.
    You’re not the way you look or how you feel.
    You’re definitely not the money on your bank account.
    You’re not the space that’s all around you.
    You’re not yourself – that’s all your ego.
    You’d ask me who you are then,
    let me tell you!
    You are me
    and I am you!
    And please do not forget it!
    And treat me in the way you treat yourself!
    And please make sure you love it!
    And think about it for a year or two,
    then come to me and ask again,
    my answers will remain the same.
    You’re me, I’m you,
    our name is Stardust
    and that’s just who we are –
    such tiny particles of energy and past and future
    we haven’t even named them yet.
    So that’s how you may call me –
    Stardust Nameless, nice to meet you!

    ~Jade

  • My guardian…

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    ~.~

    The pit of darkness and I’m floating through a riddle,
    an endless fall deprived of feelings.
    No sight, no signs, no sound or breathing.
    No up or down and nothing in the middle. There’s no one here to hear my cries.
    Just nothingness and I, forever.
    And nothingness can’t calm me down.
    Then something happens and you stop my falling,
    catching me while I’m asleep.
    Appear behind, I feel your gentle soothing light.
    The dawn has cracked, the day is rolling.
    I feel the gentle airy wings of grace.
    You kiss my neck, I feel your breath,
    while mine is taken by the arms around me.
    The dark enormous wings are merging with the nothingness above me,
    giving my strength back, my hopes, my smile’s returning,
    leading me to prayers, guiding my way up again, escaping here this masquerade of promises so fake, so near.
    I let myself surrender, touch your face and kiss your lips, admiring just every second, all this bliss.
    The colors in my dreams are following the path of patience that you’re setting,
    my hope is filling back the lungs inside me.
    My every breath is filled with sweetness by the thought of you,
    my heart is pumping rainbows in anticipation.
    The solid rocks I feel beneath my feet,
    the safety you’re providing, all this light of your sweet guiding grip.
    I slowly start to crave this shimmer.
    It’s you, I know, the only one deserving of my deepest love, indeed, it surely shows.
    My life, my inner peace, my angel, my best friend.
    A healer of the fallen and forgotten.
    I’m dusting off, the shells, that I was buried in, have rotten,
    rebirth and endless love have I been given.
    And all I want is give it further,
    give my life and love to you, the most amazing man, so vulnerable and my shelter.
    My love, my husband and my guardian angel,
    your brilliance from way beyond this world,
    a happiness I didn’t know I was deserving,
    the warmth and safety of forgiveness.
    Your love for me is sure to be a holy blessing.

    ~ Kass