Madness

~

I was doomed and saved by meeting you. I fell in love way too deep way too quickly. But damn it, how could have I known that you didn’t feel it. How could have known I didn’t occupy your thoughts all the time for the next three years like you did mine. How could have I known I wasn’t the reason for the shortness in your breaths, nor for you blushing just by thinking of me. I could have sworn it was so intense, the most intense connection I had ever felt or heard of. You blew my mind right there on the spot. The perfect timing in the crowd, everything led me to you. The talking, the neck kisses, everything. I swear the time had stopped. Like I was a teenager again and it was the first time I was falling in love. So intense. How could have I known that you didn’t go crazy looking for me under stone and tree like I did. How could I possibly think you would want to find me so insanely that you would mistake your wife’s eyes for mine, that you would see my face in hers, that you’d believe you’ve found me just so that you grant your mind some peace. How could I be so stupid to believe you won’t fall in love with another for years, like I couldn’t fall in love, no matter how hard the other men were trying, how perfect they led me to believe they were. How blind must I be to think you were getting the same overwhelming vibes in my presence as I did each time I saw you. Every time my heart started pounding I thought it was you, loving me back. How foolish of me. I must be the most naive person ever to have lived on this planet, because I really believed it was mutual. I found pieces of you everywhere and tried to put it all into place, to make this love story whole, to justify my insanity. But I couldn’t. I stand here, confused, still at the edge and trying to let go. Forcing myself to forget you as if I was about to cut my veins open. And I am still unable to grasp it. How could it be? How could you not feel it? I cannot recognize myself anymore, my mind, my thoughts, my breaths – I find you everywhere and I don’t even want to search anymore. I want it to stop. I want to know what it was… Damn it. Madness? Obsession? A demon maybe? What is this and why does it have such a hold on me? No reason or explanation. My mind has reached its limits. It must have been a heart’s thing. It must have been love. And I was the victim.