It’s You

~

I want to tell you so much and yet there are so little words.
I’ve written to you so often and yet I’m afraid you just never knew.
I’ve tried my best in all letters, yet nothing conveys what I mean.
But it no longer matters, because I won’t cease to feel.
I’ve done much but I know it’s just never enough.
It has started and runs through my veins,
Neither it ends, nor can it ever speed up.
Each day, each breath I let through, it’s just never enough.
(It’s all you.)
Two years, two months and two weeks I’ve been wanting to tell you.
Two years, two months and two weeks I have felt as I do.
Two years, two months and two weeks since the first time I felt you.
Two years, two months, fourteen days I have craved back your kiss.
A kiss placed on my forehead has been ringing inside.
In a dark blueish tone in my throat, always filling my eyes
with tears of all left undone, of all that I miss.

Two years and seventy-six
days since you gave me all this,
giving me all I could need,
and a thought that I cannot dismiss…
“I wish I was his…”
Leaving me burnt with that tension of lives unfulfilled,
unrelieved moments I’ve dreamt of
shared with you only, there’s so much I miss.
It persists.
Becomes one with the rust on my cold-layered armor of tin.
Leaving me crumble and dying to live just with you, just your kiss…

Eight-hundred six
days I’ve been trying to find you.
Locked inside pattern of puzzles,
riddles of symbols and signs, games of my mind.
Two years and a million minutes
all I could think of is you.
Two years of a presence around me.
And that dream that you’re mine, that it’s true.
Two years one-thousand eight-hundred twenty-four hours,
I have lived with the demons, with the thought that you’re here,
yet I search all around, every face, every sound,
beyond science and reason,
beneath heavens and ground.

I can see you so clear.

I have met with the Satan, I have asked all them Gods,
I’ve been worshiped and hated.
It won’t stop till you’re near.

Several worlds I’ve created,
several hearts I’ve destroyed,
several slaves I’ve imprisoned
but there’s not much I fear.

I have searched you and found you more often than not,
you were forever my every desire, temptation and thought,
you are so deeply within
my heart’s every embarrassing knot.

A torture, a wire and chains,
a fire or flames?
I don’t know what it is,
what remains
after all that’s been said
what’s all this?
I am his
I am yours
Are you mine?
If someday I am gone,
is there something to miss?

I don’t know what remains
Sanity’s not my strong side
But I know once we’re done
I will keep you forever inside
Feel my deepest and truest for you
and I’ll hope that you knew

And I’ll pray
and I’ll hope
and I’ll cry
But I’ll know I have tried
And I’ve sent you this letter
And I’ve told you I loved
to think you’re obsessed with me too.

.
~

.

.

.
P.S.
———————-.
All of Jade’s letters are for you.
All of Kassandra’s magic is because of you.
All of William’s support was to help me find you.
All of Wapiti Joe’s time travels were to know you,
that’s not over.
So many worlds were born because I don’t want to hold back
what I feel for you.
Because I am impatient.
Because it is so loud.
Because I felt so much.
Because words cannot describe it. 
Because I cannot concentrate on anything else.
Because I do not want to.
Because you said to work on
what’s important.
Because
it’s you.
And always has been.
And always will be.

Because I wanted to know.
Because you are the ghost
who lives upstairs.
And I love you.
So much.

~

<3