Kategorie: Of Jade´s Letters

It’s You

~

I want to tell you so much and yet there are so little words.
I’ve written to you so often and yet I’m afraid you just never knew.
I’ve tried my best in all letters, yet nothing conveys what I mean.
But it no longer matters, because I won’t cease to feel.
I’ve done much but I know it’s just never enough.
It has started and runs through my veins,
Neither it ends, nor can it ever speed up.
Each day, each breath I let through, it’s just never enough.
(It’s all you.)
Two years, two months and two weeks I’ve been wanting to tell you.
Two years, two months and two weeks I have felt as I do.
Two years, two months and two weeks since the first time I felt you.
Two years, two months, fourteen days I have craved back your kiss.
A kiss placed on my forehead has been ringing inside.
In a dark blueish tone in my throat, always filling my eyes
with tears of all left undone, of all that I miss.

Two years and seventy-six
days since you gave me all this,
giving me all I could need,
and a thought that I cannot dismiss…
“I wish I was his…”
Leaving me burnt with that tension of lives unfulfilled,
unrelieved moments I’ve dreamt of
shared with you only, there’s so much I miss.
It persists.
Becomes one with the rust on my cold-layered armor of tin.
Leaving me crumble and dying to live just with you, just your kiss…

Eight-hundred six
days I’ve been trying to find you.
Locked inside pattern of puzzles,
riddles of symbols and signs, games of my mind.
Two years and a million minutes
all I could think of is you.
Two years of a presence around me.
And that dream that you’re mine, that it’s true.
Two years one-thousand eight-hundred twenty-four hours,
I have lived with the demons, with the thought that you’re here,
yet I search all around, every face, every sound,
beyond science and reason,
beneath heavens and ground.

I can see you so clear.

I have met with the Satan, I have asked all them Gods,
I’ve been worshiped and hated.
It won’t stop till you’re near.

Several worlds I’ve created,
several hearts I’ve destroyed,
several slaves I’ve imprisoned
but there’s not much I fear.

I have searched you and found you more often than not,
you were forever my every desire, temptation and thought,
you are so deeply within
my heart’s every embarrassing knot.

A torture, a wire and chains,
a fire or flames?
I don’t know what it is,
what remains
after all that’s been said
what’s all this?
I am his
I am yours
Are you mine?
If someday I am gone,
is there something to miss?

I don’t know what remains
Sanity’s not my strong side
But I know once we’re done
I will keep you forever inside
Feel my deepest and truest for you
and I’ll hope that you knew

And I’ll pray
and I’ll hope
and I’ll cry
But I’ll know I have tried
And I’ve sent you this letter
And I’ve told you I loved
to think you’re obsessed with me too.

.
~

.

.

.
P.S.
———————-.
All of Jade’s letters are for you.
All of Kassandra’s magic is because of you.
All of William’s support was to help me find you.
All of Wapiti Joe’s time travels were to know you,
that’s not over.
So many worlds were born because I don’t want to hold back
what I feel for you.
Because I am impatient.
Because it is so loud.
Because I felt so much.
Because words cannot describe it.
Because I cannot concentrate on anything else.
Because I do not want to.
Because you said to work on
what’s important.
Because
it’s you.
And always has been.
And always will be.

Because I wanted to know.
Because you are the ghost
who lives upstairs.
And I love you.
So much.

~

<3

28. Februar 2015
I’ll burn forever deep

~.~
There’s nothing in the world that ever had a hold of me this way,
a single thought, the feeling of yourself has taken my whole sanity away.
A love so deep it’s drowning me into this perfect realm,
pulling my true being out in all directions.
It hurts and it’s incredibly disorienting,
at times I don’t know where I’m standing,
I toss and turn, rejecting it and trying to escape,
but there is nothing I want more than it to stay.
And I want you.
I want you more than anything I ever wanted.
I want to be a part of you, inside your every cell.
I want you back for all those lifetimes I remember,
in which we always got apart – by death.

I want you and I know my love for you will never fade.
I know I’ll always seek you and at every peek I’ll tremble,
I know your voice as if it’s always ringing in my head.
I know your perfect eyes for they’re imprinted on all pieces of my heart,
the fragrance of your being is my soul’s embrace.
And I will always find you, follow you and fuse within your sight and soul.
Kill me now, and I will find you.
Kill me now and you will know, my love for you is never ending
and in each remaining corner of your life eternally will show.
Kill me now and you will see, the echo of my aura will become the essence of your senses. The absence of it will translate into eternal snow.
Kill me now if you don’t want me and I will be forever grateful.
Kill me now for you have saved me and I’ve bequeathed you my soul.

Kill me now with your bare hands please, for with your absence you are doing so in coldest manners
and all I do is burn beneath this ice you call a heart.
And all I am is fire on the bottom of an iceberg, just slightly brushing all this mightiness of you and reaching out as I can hear it –
a tiny flame within the iceberg’s still alive and we both feel it,
and it is whispering my name, and it is reaching out its tiny hand
from deep within the toughest ice-cold ego.

So kill me now or you be with me, let us burn a tunnel in the iceberg of your past,
just take my hand and we can be together – whether it’s in silence or in pain.
I’m here for you, you please remember, and I’ll be here forever more.
I’ll haunt your dreams and beg until surrender,
for love is just a fickle flame away.
This love I feel will never vanish. Never! Not even for a single day!

I’ve given to you the whole choice, I’ve put my prayers in an iceberg,
I’ve let my guard down just for you and now I’m purely naked
and it’s all for you to see. To trust in my intentions and to know,
that I will never ever let you go.

So please, just take my hand and let us fly away,
or kill me and just let my body in the ground decay,
but either way I’m yours forever, my heart will never in this world or any other, belong to anybody but yourself.
The essence of your being is the reason why every time I choose to live.
I love you. And I will burn inside your soul.
I love you. And you’re the one I’ll always seek to know.
I love you. And I will burn forever deep.

Love,
~Will

23. September 2014
…nice to meet you! 😉

~.~

I often think about the first time that we met.
How when I found you and you asked me what my name was
I didn’t give it right away. It was way too loud and complicated to explain back then, but pretty much my thoughts on it are still the same.
I’m not my name, no matter how much I might love it!
…
And space and time are also nothing else but fractals.
A second or a year or maybe several lifetimes –
all look quite the same.
Zoom it in or out – a repetition
of Infinity herself.
Consider vibes,
consider age,
consider frequency,
consider size,
consider love
and how it moves you,
consider depth –
your own illusion.
Think of how time passes
when you’re loved
and think of how it stops
when you feel lost or waiting.
Consider now the Universe –
a growing mind, a cell, an organism.
Think of how it feels or what it knows.
Now zoom out further and it shows
its depth – all matter of your own perception.
Now reconsider all you know
about yourself – it’s wrong!
There’s nothing to it – just a thought
and that’s not you.
You’re not the books you’ve read.
You’re not the people that you’ve met.
You’re not the way you look or how you feel.
You’re definitely not the money on your bank account.
You’re not the space that’s all around you.
You’re not yourself – that’s all your ego.
You’d ask me who you are then,
let me tell you!
You are me
and I am you!
And please do not forget it!
And treat me in the way you treat yourself!
And please make sure you love it!
And think about it for a year or two,
then come to me and ask again,
my answers will remain the same.
You’re me, I’m you,
our name is Stardust
and that’s just who we are –
such tiny particles of energy and past and future
we haven’t even named them yet.
So that’s how you may call me –
Stardust Nameless, nice to meet you!

~Jade

10. Juli 2014
Missing you too much…

~.~

I look myself inside the mirrors,
I cannot recognize my face –
so pale, forgotten how to feel,
my darkened eyes
now seem to me unreal……
An inner Universe is shattered,
unwilling anymore to heal.
How long did I just hold on
to empty hopes and hollow wish…
How long will deadly thorns
be stuck inside my broken heart,
reminding of the pain, reopening the seams.
How selfless can I love you
to show you what’s forever worth…
How long will I accept the blindfold-game you got me into,
the scattered hidden pieces that I seek for, one by one …
To search unknowingly and recognize them all,
I know – a punishment for my blank ignorance.
My life transformed into a mess,
broadcasting dreadful masquerade of silence.
How far will I crawl kneeling,
praying for a single touch,
an honest look, some truthful words,
if even just to tell me that the end is near.
How often will I have to die inside my head,
the hazy loneliness where dreams keep disappearing…
My home’s too empty, I’m missing you too much…
How long will I be hurting,
before I let my dignity to resurrect?
I beg of you this one last time, please tell me.
I beg of you, please save me, say those words. I prayed.
I beg, but no one listens, no one’s there,
you are not near.
I am still hurt.
Abandoned space surrounding my bare being,
untouched, mistrusted and unwilling
I remain, my wounds turn clearer.
I forgive, forget and move on.
Without my heart, within my head.
I look myself inside the mirrors,
still do not recognize my face –
so pale, so ugly, somehow dead,
my hand is shaking,
my heart – forgotten how to feel,
my darkened eyes, my world – unreal,
an inner Universe is shattered,
unwilling anymore to heal.

I’ll always love you,
don’t forget me.

Love,
Jade

29. Juni 2014
In my dreams again…

~.~

You wanted me to move on, to forget,
yet you reach to me again inside my dreams,
you send me messages and hopes for different life,
I change once more and look for reasons.
Yes, I know I’ll always miss you…
I know I want you deeply in my life,
I know I’ll always love you and I’ll pray for you, but can’t you see, my love….
That you’re the one that pushed me oh so far,
that you’re the one who selflessly just robbed me of my hopes,
and you’re the one, my love, who waited for too long.
And you will be the one, my dearest, who’ll miss me for another life,
and you’re the one, who’ll try to turn back time,
and you’re the one, my love, who’ll swim in emptiness, regrets.
And you’re the one, I hope, who’ll love me till forever,
and learn the messages of Love,
and know her truest enemy – the Ego,
is always hidden by the face of Pride.
So take those lessons with you, oh my dearest.
And take them on your long and bitter path.
I’ll hope and pray for you, I’ll hold you safe inside my heart.
And know I’ll meet you in another life.
A life where you’ll no further long to see me shattered,
where you will reach to me outside the dream.
A life, where we will be together,
and certainly arrive at last,
and finally we’ll reach true heaven.
Eternally our love will last…

Love,
Jade

29. Juni 2014
Of Jade’s Letters Pt.2

————–
9 March 2014
————–

Good Morning,
Will!
Good Morning,
cousin Wapiti Joe!

I know I have been busy lately…
and didn’t have much time to write to you,
but I just dreamt something rather weird,
thought it was worth sharing!
(Seems that my quantum poetry is slowly turning to…
quantum paranoia revelation poetry… ) 🙂
And still…
I thought you might have a laugh with me at my craziness!

~.~
I had the weirdest dream again, my Love.
This time – did not include you,
I was the middle of attention.
Quite much – it was a little scary.
My life was somehow turned to a „reality“ –
a so-called-show,
on TVs and on Radio – receivers,
and in Internet…
And everyone was watching.
So fascinating!
The feeling that it gave me was –
I’m made of glass, but just until I knew the truth.
The feeling afterwards was even stranger –
as though I’m made of stone – dissolving in the air to nothingness.
Like everything. Exposed. I love the truth.
I do not know how I discovered it,
but everyone I knew were there.
Some strangers going crazy over it,
as it was cut off from the air,
as if they’re breathing it (the show),
for real, as if they cared.
The neighbor, several fields away,
had missed the show and started shouting,
brandishing an axe and going mad, so loud,
that I could hear him over here…
My ex-boyfriend was directing this whole time,
and I think his mother was the one who told me,
saved me maybe, with the truth
and wasn’t even really mad at me,
as I visited and broke her giant FAN.
Celebrities were taking part as well,
Beyonce – lovely woman,
introduced me to some Jerry Springerfield.
Some others, following me all around,
got worried as we disappeared to underground –
an endless hollow – hidden school, still in construction,
yet many students seemed to live there.
And I had to use their toilets and the showers
(somehow I remembered it, it was all different).
The big director, my ex-boyfriend,
after knowing that I know,
invited me to join them, dinner with his mother,
he’d decided finally to let it go,
and just be honest.
Introduced me to his girlfriend
(one of two, at least, they said),
a blonde girl, rather sympathetic,
and I liked her, and we laughed and ate.
There were some unfamiliar games to me as well,
I don’t remember what I dreamt exactly,
but there was a blurry thing with carts and hats,
I do not know, and does not matter.
The more important thing was –
everyone was gambling on me,
and it was brilliant!
Yet insufficient, love, you see…
For money is a game, indeed,
and we might win this time, I pray –
just let it flow and let it gather,
but also, more importantly,
do let it stay!
Make money turn to more somehow,
the way the big ones did it – played with it,
but let us have, at least, the common goal,
a common project…
And I think, we might achieve it.
I’m so thankful that you hid it!
The half of it, the money that was generated,
should be used on our behalf –
the ‘Selfless Humans’, finally…
And let’s prepare,
The New World Order,
based on peace,
on common sense
and consciousness
is here!
Believe it!
Let it be released!
And trust in common knowledge!
And believe!
I love you all!
And wish You
Health
and
Love
and
Peace
and
Inner Light!
And let it neutralize,
the Source is Cosmos!
And it’s the same both on the inside,
and out there!
Love you so much!
Thank You, that you care!

~.~

————–

9. März 2014
Of Jade´s Letters: to and from Jade Wonderstone

———————-
19 Nov 2013

a family portrait for you, my Love!

~will

———————-
23 Nov 2013

***

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yqfxly50xT4 )

I still need to thank you, Love!

~.~

i saw the light – a paradox within
but no regrets, it’s all for you now –
a fire needle in my deepest core –
that kills me slowly,
for just keeping me alive.

unknowingly, you’ve brought me back to life.
and taught me how to feel, and hope and see.

for that a ‘thank you’ couldn´t be enough…
i know.

*
for owing you my life, i love you!
and for my chance number two.
for my decision to remain,
not catch that derailed train.

for that a ‘thank you’ couldn´t be enough…

*
i saw the light –
you taught me how to feel it.
to hear the raven´s call –
and hope you’ll see me too –
the fire needle feels like thunder.

and still, i´m sensing your soul´s trails all over
like a light-train that i wouldn´t want to miss.
and still remembering, you taught me to be free and happy,
i have learned my lesson, practicing it here and now.

for my happiness and my whole life and love
and for perhaps the most magnificent last kiss,
a simple ‘thank you’ couldn´t be enough ..
i know

*
i saw the light and learned a lesson,
a fire needle thunder might just kill you.
but i´ve decided to be happy and to kill my fear instead,
that you´d remove the fire needle and my human heart is dead.
i´ll keep the needle in my core and spread your lessons,
love and light.
and hope they´ll bless your life with miracles and peace!
whichever path you choose – delight!

for what you´ve given me –
i know,
a simple ‘thank you’ couldn´t be enough ..

~j

———————-
26 Nov 2013

Jade Wonderstone
LoveWill FindaWay
Wapiti Joe

The Animals and I just had a meeting.
it was important.
and we kept a script.
we´ll share it now,
thanks for receiving!
…
…
…
a while ago
a problem
might have happened.
we interfered, we used our force.for our intention turns to matter.
´cause when there is a zero,
a one will definitely surface too.we wanted just to help,
but someone suffered.
…
so they say
…
the humans.
are afraid.
*
*
*
the last full moon,
the forest had a party.
we might have had invited
some unfamiliar guests.
*
the shaman and the warrior
stopped time
and all the clocks
got broken.the woods were fine.
but someone heard*
…
the people weren´t happy.
the animals and i got scared,
we didn´t want them to feel bad…we thought all through
and now we´re meeting,
discussing what we´re
gonna do.*
*
*
we´ll send a spy,
down to the city –
to meet the maiden´s
female dog.
to speak to her –
and hear the story
of why the humans
are upset.
*
the wolf went silent,
now he knew
his walk was long –
a moon or two.*
the next full moon
the wolf arrives.
at dawn the castle
looks bizarre.
he knocks
twice at the gate
at 4 am?
(… he couldn´t know,
he had no clock!…)
but no one opens.
the village sleeps,
unlike the owl,
my patient friend.
…

the rest
of the wolf´s
and Wapiti Joe & co´s
adventures
will be
posted
when the wolf
returns.

to be continued…

~~~

* Georg Simmel schreibt in „Die Grosstädte und das Geistesleben“, 1903

… Wenn alle Uhren in Berlin plötzlich in verschiedener Richtung falschgehen würden, auch nur um den Spielraum einer Stunde, so wäre sein ganzes wirtschaftliches und sonstiges Verkehrsleben auf lange hinaus zerrüttet.
Dazu kommt, scheinbar noch äußerlicher, die Größe der Entfernungen, die alles Warten und Vergebenskommen zu einem gar nicht aufzubringenden Zeitaufwand machen.
So ist die Technik des großstädtischen Lebens überhaupt nicht denkbar, ohne daß alle Tätigkeiten und Wechselbeziehungen aufs pünktlichste in ein festes, übersubjektives Zeitschema eingeordnet würden.
…

http://gutenberg.spiegel.de/buch/6598/1

http://www.calendar-365.com/moon-calendar/2013/December.html

———————-
27 Nov 2013

i dreamt of you again!
this time you brought your gang along.
i like them all!
but no need to compete,
for me you are the one –
and I hope you´re well!

Love,

~j

———————-
29 Nov 2013

#wisdom #goes #deep

I have been a little worried,
cousin Wapiti Joe
had been missing for
the last week or so.

but he called.

he says it´s ok.
and there´s so much more to come.
(where that comes from*)

~
still all for you!
the perfect reader.

~

the signal was scrambled,
that bothered me a little.

but cousin said this:
…
…
…
…
…

***
the 3rd time we returned,
we had a vision (from ahead)
we met the female shepherd dog again –
this time she was ok, not dead.
she tells a story
of her owner-
a girl, we ´d not yet met.

at just this moment she approached us,
(the humans might have changed a bit)
her forhead – jade,
her eyes were lit.
the time went slower for a bit.
green light – shines purple –
she calmly sits now on her bed.

***
we heard her thoughts,
we felt her clearly.
experience, we´ve never had.
she looked at me,
and in my mind she said:

I know you…

then went silent,
but all the words just kept:

my mother calls on Sundays,
(felt her speaking)
we do not use a phone.

she tells me I must save her, nature.
and all the humans to protect.
until at least their hearts go dead. –
I heard her, felt her.
yet…
all I could think was:
“she´s so pretty – it´s just mad!”
…
the purple light
was all the insight!
…

…

…

but please remember!

that seeing outcomes is a gift,
some say.
a blade –
that changes all the time.
the universe collaborates
for certain.
but my emergence is a cause –
and has an effect.

the soul is all,
and so is wisdom.
(in terms of property per se)
for all I have
is here and now –
the inside of my skin and head!

the soul is all,
the mind – not certain,
it 50/50 goes both ways –
destroys the heart and make us crumble,
or simply breathe and keep it burning –
we decide!

***
***

***

then he interrupted.
but I’m remembering he mentioned
that he´s on his way back.

and will show me…
the rest of the story
…

and i´ll be waiting.
…

and I hope that
you´re you.
…

so thank you!

~j

———————-
29 Nov 2013

cause and effect…

———————-
1 Dec 2013
Wapiti Joe & co
are still missing (lost in time a little)…
so it´s me again Jade Wonderstone,
covering for their weekly updates
from the Woods.

today was quite busy,
many customers at the salon.
so all I´ll post will be
a little message for my husband, LoveWill FindaWay,
for he sent me on a date last night
and asked me to share my impressions.

and also,
he´ll be taking over the salon next week,
so i´ll be looking forward
to what the Brain of the family
will be posting!

about my last night –
as I said,
some interesting encounters!…

~..~
my husband sent me on a date last night.
i met with satan.
we had a chat –
we spoke of love –
i was a little worried
and he saw me.
he wasn´t interested though
and that´s important
my husband knows me better than i know myself –
i needed to be seen
through eyes
of no desire.
i was expecting something else.
my friend, the satan
knows my love –
a step ahead on every matter.
i told him of my name, the book, some game.
he spoke about his distant travels.
i saw his eyes – my truth – unraveled.
the beauty was no alien for him,
the beauty was his ally.
he knows i´m with him.
with my deepest love –
on every matter –
greater.
.~
but time and space are some conceptions,
that you and i just now created.
the roles have changed,
the times were different.
but every time you say my name,
i will be with you.
and so will he –
our dearest friend – the satan.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
…
so there it is –
the satan knew me for a moment,
for what he saw – we shared a home.
my hell, my love, you know me –
is just everywhere you´re not.
but i deceived him, said i had a meeting,
said to him, i was so happy.
then i left, the search continued.
oh, how i wish it was all different…
but then again,
i had to work.
i heard a quarrel had occurred-
a different mission.
i arrive there –
by the angels ,
one was missing.
now my head turns fire,
for a second – universes shatter.
but it´s all clear – i know the matter –
a gargantuan collision
and the angels scatter.
for jealousy is just an error, just a sin.
just a consequence of dopamine.
forgiving is divine though –
it unites us.
thursday would be fine i guess.
we know our cracks, now let me heal us,
and just pray, the outcomes would turn back.
…
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

and so i´ll pray,
and i will meet you,
and i hope for once, this is our time!
and when we meet again, we´ll be all different.
except my husband´s name – the same.
and i will meet his friend, the satan, any time he says,
because love knows me – and the reason i remained.

and now i know that
love would only torture me this way from wisdom
for he knows me –we´re not different,
we´ve collided and now tremble,
every time we hear each other´s name.
and when i close my eyes your face just renders,
and my heart begins to turn and sway,
´cause i know my name was channeled : `love`…
i swear…
so my spring just keeps on sending
energy – my pulse, to my own crown.
but it gets stuck though –
in my throat…
and all the language disappears –
LOVE!!! is all, that i could shout!
and then my head explodes – my heart´s on fire.
my pulse reaches through my roots.
my loins start now pulsating,
feed me with desire – bliss of hope.
the simplest reason for my growth
is only you, love.
and i need you, as i need to breathe.

.
.
.

Sweet dreams!
I hope we meet again tonight!

LOVE,
j.~

———————-
3 Dec 2013

for my lovely husband LoveWill FindaWay

my Love has given me a picture,
now I can see him every day!

i love him still and
time´s still with us.
i see no reason to be scared!

he caught me, freed me,
taught me how to grow.
and all i need my Love to know is
that i always will return,
every time he lets me go.

my Love´s my Life
and I’m his own..
I AM YOUR FREEDOM,
YOU´RE MY HOME!

and you know, i always will return…
just every time you let me go…

~.LOVE.~
Jade Wonderstone

———————-
4 Dec 2013

my girlfriend Hope and i
went to a bar last night –
a distant star…
we talked and laughed –
she was quite happy –
excited and fulfilled –
she had a secret…

my husband then showed up –
out of a sudden.
he must have been real tired –
his eyes were red – outrageous.
he held a gun, his hand was shaking.
delirious – he got me scared,
a madness…

i´m not quite sure he recognized me.
he tried to shoot me in the heart –
he missed…
though when i turned around
i saw my girlfriend –
lying there – unconscious on the floor.
my husband shot her three times in the stomach,
he didn´t know she had a secret…

my best friend Hope was pregnant with a child –
the brightest future.
my husband might´ve killed them both last night.
i was so frightened – horrifying…
i did my best to hold on tight.
i kneeled down next to her –
reanimation quickly!!!

but no one knew what had just happened –
it was so fast – within a second…
the medics came and took Hope with them,
she will recover, they´re assuring…
but i was desperate and non-believing,
my Hope was gone, what can i do???

my husband in the meanwhile
realized what happened –
he was a murderer, the satan.
he gave himself in, got his hands cuffed.
he dropped the gun, i saw he´s scared too.
he´s put then in the darkest, coldest prison –
for gambling with Love and killing Faith
is just a silly game –
a game he´ll play alone now…

and all he wanted was his freedom…

***
but Love, i though you knew me better.
you know my views on every matter.
you know, to me, that Love is light
and light is energy,
and energy is not a game,
for games do have an ending.
so go on, be my guest,
there on your killing spree.
and if you want me dead just know, Love,
kill yourself and i will too kill me…

so now i´m leaving him – he says we´ll grow.
the truth to me though – so well known –
without each other´s Love,
we´re nothing and there is no home…
so i´ll be wandering for now,
i might return one day, who knows…
i´ll always miss him.

***
i´m sorry, Love, i said i´ll be there,
and i was.
but Love, you´ve changed the outcomes –
your decision.

and we´re different now – we have just shifted.
and my Faith in you might still be there…
though my whole world had collided,
a different universe – and we´re alone here –
without my best friend Hope.
it´s cold and dark, i know you feel it….

***
***
***
three weeks later
a call came in –
the hospital where Hope was.
my best friend had survived,
but not her secret.
her unborn child was rendered dead.
a tragedy… a huge mistake –
misunderstanding…
the brightest future had no start,
but had an ending…
***
so please, Love,
i am begging,
for you are still my master…
i am here and i am willing
and i´m prepared to learn and live,
so, Love, there is no need for killing…
for i might follow your example
and humanity will be erased.

***
and yet,
i am still thankful
for my latest lesson –
my last-night visit
in my sacred hell –
eternal night of tears…

my Hope did not give in…

~j

———————-
4 Dec 2013

LoveWill FindaWay
i´m sorry, love!
forgive my craziness…
sleep deprivation…

I love you!
always have and always will!
No matter what…
I know that everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to happen!
always have and always will!

big hug to you!

much love,
Jade Wonderstone

———————-
5 Dec 2013

love yo(u/u)niverse!

———————-
7 Dec 2013

and again I met the resident of my dreams…
it is so perfect every time…

and every time I feel you closer…
one day I will wake up and you´ll be next to me for real…
I can hardly wait for this moment…
I love you very much and I miss you!
and I miss waking up next to you even though it´s in the future…
and you really are the most amazing person I´ve ever met…
i love you!

and wish you a wonderful day and a beautiful weekend!

~j

———————-
20 Dec 2013

For my Master!
I know you´re enjoying this, Love!
Me too…
It´s beyond imaginable…
I love You so much!
Thank You for all!!!
You make me so happy!!!

~.~

The strangest thing had happened.
A foreign man was watching me,
I didn´t know his face although it felt like you.
I was confused at first and didn´t know if I should trust him.
But I did, he took my hand than took me to some corridor –
a castle or perhaps chateau – a manor house.
He turned around and looked out through a window
several feet away.
What was I supposed to do there?
Who was he? And what´d he want?
He turned again his face towards me.
Then with his thought he moved my hands.
Now both my hands had slipped beneath my panties,
but it wasn´t me – he´s in control.
I looked at him again in panic – couldn´t find your face there.
I got scared.
And woke up just to find
I´m pleasuring myself without my knowledge.
And levitating! WTF?!
Me, the bed, the whole room seemed different.
The bed was floating in the air!
And so was I…
I looked around…
A shock!!!
I jumped, my heart is pounding!
I ran away and washed my face. To calm me down.
“Just breathe now! Breathe!…” – said I to my reflection.
“Calm down. It´s all Ok…”
Damn… Levitating…
WTF, man?!?
What are you???
And how´d you do this???
…
…
…
…
…

~.~

Of course I always knew what You are, Love!
Kissessssssss!
xoxoxoxo

~j

———————-
20 Dec 2013

It´s been a long day here in the Woods of Wonderland.
As usual before holidays we all have a lot to do
and not always can we handle all we have planned.
But, as my husband Will says – that´s why we have priorities.

And my most recent priority has become to meet my secret admirer.
The thing about secret admirers though is that they tend to keep their identities secret! (what a surprise, right? ) So that´s exactly the purpose of this meeting! It is important that I find out the identity of my admirer so that my husband Will and I could discuss what we shall do about it.
Because even if I met my admirer by chance, like at a party for example,
I will probably pretend that I don´t know who he really is (to show him how much I respect his anonymity) and the outcomes will be rather different.
So after my evening walk I will be heading towards the distant star(!)
that I yesterday mentioned.
But I will not be at the bar there. I will be near the ocean.
At midnight. And will wait there for a certain amount of time, at least until I get cold… Then I will go away.
So if my admirer is willing to reveal his identity to me tonight I will be most happy to meet him. (of course there are also other methods to do this like for instance different ways of communication!)
But I will be much more pleased if he came to meet me personally and then I will let him take me places – wherever/however he desires.

Oh.. and I almost forgot, of course I will also bring with me the handwritten letter as he demanded! There might be some interesting twists there as well!

I´m so excited,
I hope you are too!
And I´ll be really happy to meet you, Mr. #!

P.S. If I´m late please don´t be mad, transportation at night is sometimes difficult here in the Woods!
And you can always call me or even pick me up from the castle! Your choice!

Much Love!

~j

———————-
22 Dec 2013

and again… woke up with the thought of you…
and I feel like crying because you´re not here…
my feelings are so much stronger than me…
I really didn´t mean to hurt you in any way.
all i´ve written is out of pure love!
the love of my life!
the envelope remains sealed.
and you can have it anytime you want.
you can have it all!
anytime you want it, love!!!
only you!!!!!

~j

———————-
24 Dec 2013

my secret lover visited me in my dreams again.
but this time it was rather different.
he stayed the night. we cuddled and we talked,
he hugged me from behind and said
that sometimes it`s too much for him – uncertainty.
for all I know, love, you`re the one for me
and sometimes we could break it off a while.
I do not wish to see you tired.
But I can feel you in my dreams and in my heart when I`m awake,
I cannot help it, it is not on purpose, I just do!
I call you somehow and you`re here.
And I`d be glad if you would call me too –
just channel `love` and I will meet you.
And if you sometimes somehow miss me, baby,
we could always use the phone,
I`d be most happy just to hear you voice for real.
I need you! What`s the day without its sun?!
You`re my knight in shining armors,
you`re the night and I`m your moon.
And I love you, baby!
And I hope I`ll see you soon!

Enjoy the Christmas Eve preparations!
It`s a nice time to think things through a little.
Whatever you decide, you have my total support!

Much Love,
~J

— with Will TrueLove.

———————-
27 Dec 2013
because I heard this song on the radio the other day…
and couldn`t help it but think of you, TrueLove…
and it reminded me of so much things and memories…
and I cried, but no one saw me…
so now that it`s out there…
…
…
…
…

~.~
I wake up with the thought of you,
but of course – that`s nothing new,
it`s something I have gotten used to.
All the memories still surface
and it makes me feel a little blue.
I keep thinking and it aches so bad.
Could it all, for real, be true?
Have I finally found you?
And are you really you –
the person I’m in love with
since my soul was split in two?
Have I really found my twin flame?
How`d it happen? Is it true?
I wasn`t seeking, for I knew,
I’m self-sufficient, so are you…
So how did I deserve this?
A serendipity – and I’m in Heaven,
I’m with you!

***

The seasons changed and I still miss it…
Feels like parts of me were rearranged.
My wholeness and sufficiency are also different.
With every breath I long to kiss you.
I long to touch you and I need to meet you.
My hands feel empty and my head`s a mess.
A part of me is simply missing.
My eyes and ears now – mere anticipation,
always searching for your tissue
and the essence of your presence.
All the crowds, the cities and my air –
illusions! You`re not there!
My every step is nothing but infusion –
my future`s merging with the past –
I think of you and how it`d last,
a whole new world is being born.
My dream`s come true –
you`re all I wished for.
Feels like you`re the only one
I’ve ever loved.
So I keep thinking and it aches so bad
could it all, for real, be true?
Is this you? The one I dreamt of,
since my heart was split in two?

***

I want to marry you and have your children.
I want to spend my whole life just with you.
I want to give you all my strength and care for you
until you too believe it`s true.
I want to be there for you and support you,
I want to love your grumpiness and solitude.
I want to watch you work and sleep and make you food.
I want to make our dreams come true.
I want to hold you, kiss you and make love to you,
even when you don`t expect it.
I want this all to last forever.
I want it so bad to be true.
I want to build our future and to love our past.
I want a love that simply lasts.

***

And every time I hear this song,
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5D3Nl1GZzuw )
I think of you, love.
Everything I read and see…
Everything I touch or feel inside me –
it`s all you, love.
Nothing else is real to me.
It never was and never will be,
at least as long as you`re not here.
My hands, my bed, my heart feels empty.
Everything I do – it`s all for you, love –
that`s my present. That`s my love.
And our future, our children,
our dreams come true –
it`s all for you.
My life is yours now –
I surrender.
That`s my truth.
Let me live with you
or simply kill me –
it is all just up to you.
And that`s my truth.
My heart and soul
belong to you now.

***

And I know you have forgiven me,
but do not trust me.
And why would you? –
I`m a wreck.
But of course,
you do not know this yet –
you think I`m strong…
And yes, I could be…
Just as long as you`re with me.
`Cause If you leave me – I`m quite certain –
I will never feel again!
And since, you know me now, my being,
love is all I am…
So if you leave me,
nothing from me could remain…

***

But please, love, please believe me
when I say – you`re all I long for –
here, I’ll pray!
I hope you see one day,
there`s no one else who`s in my heart to stay.
And yes, all other men will want me,
Some of them will think they feel me,
but they won`t and couldn`t have me!
Never!!!
I prefer to be alone if I’m not with you!
And my children will remain unborn.
And the future, and my dreams –
a single word from you –
and they`ll be locked away.

***

So please, love,
here, I`ll pray!
Your love is all I long for!
And while I have it – endless power!
I could feed the poor and fight all crime!
No politics or money could withhold me!
I`m the strongest woman
and you know me!
As we stand together, side-by-side,
there`s no challenge for us,
love forever!
Endless power –
I surrender.
Love has got her hold on me.
And I hope, dear,
you`ll remember
all my words
one day,
when I am gone.
And I know you`ll miss me.
But as I said – It`s up to you –
I’m yours! It`s your decision –
you could have me stay
or turn your back,
keep pushing me away…

***

So I keep thinking and it aches so bad.
Could it all, for real, be true?
For I know, I have now found you!
And I know you`re you –
the person I’m in love with –
you`re my soul, my twin flame –
and without you there`s just rain.
The seasons are not changing
and my heart is split in two –
eternal pain.
So how did I deserve this?
Having fallen all this way?
Love, I’m here, I`m always with you –
Heaven`s fallen angel,
had just found her way –
your eyes!
Your light!
I’m here to stay…
I`ll always be with you!
…

If you want it too…

~.~

I miss you so much, love!
Every second of every day!

———————-
26 Dec 2013

there`s so much more i`d like to share, Love!
so much more i`d like to know.
my craziness is overwhelming.
all i know – my love is true.
and i`ll keep asking myself and pretending
that i`m me and you are you!
I do not know a thing now.
Is there something wrong with that?
Is there something wrong with loving this with all my heart?
Is there something wrong with not knowing the meaning of the word hatred and not being able to hate?
Is there something wrong in seeing the good in everything?
Is there something wrong with not believing in the monetary system?
Is there something wrong with me for not enjoying shopping?
Is there something wrong with me for knowing i`m responsible for my own destiny?
Is there something wrong with laughing when I should actually cry?
Is there something wrong with being so happy I could cry?
Is there something wrong with loving like I could die tomorrow?
Is there something wrong with wanting to discover my own self?
Is there something wrong with wanting to know more?
Is there something wrong with knowing what is right for me?
Is there something wrong with craving an expression?
Is there something wrong with being controversial?
Is there something wrong with trusting without doubt?
Is there something wrong with loving my own life?
Is there something wrong with wanting to feel loved?
Is there something wrong with wanting to give birth?
Is there something wrong with my blind faith?
Is there something wrong with not caring sometimes?
Is there something wrong with not pretending that I do?
Is there something wrong with accepting myself as I am?
Is there something wrong with knowing my own flaws?
Is there something wrong with seeing my mistakes in others?
Is there something wrong with criticizing no one but myself?
Is there something wrong with feeling as a saint sometimes?
Is there something wrong with believing in my dreams?
Is there something wrong with knowing everything is just illusion?
Is there something wrong with wanting to wake up?
Is there something wrong with wanting to feel more?
Is there something wrong with accepting I am human?
Is there something wrong with accepting that`s not all?
Is there something wrong with being perfect, yet accepting that I’m not?
Is there something wrong with living simply?
Is there something wrong with being wrong sometimes?
Is there something wrong with wanting you around and missing you?
Is there?
Do I dare?
I do.
Just close my eyes and finally see…
The truth.
That`s me.
That`s all there is.
My love.
That`s me.
That`s You.
That`s all – an Echo.

~j

— with Jade Wonderstone and Wapiti Joe.

———————-
27 Dec 2013

My husband, as you know – a teacher.
He`s my priest and my own preacher.
And my current lesson – letting go
and finding peace, befriending my own storms
instead of looking for release.
I know for myself now
that what he`s teaching me`s essential.
He told me me that I cannot be a teacher
while my ego itches.
I may not use my words if I would be a teacher,
but instead – my consciousness, my preacher.
And I pray and I forgive you all.
The time has come, i`m letting go.
There`s only me now here,
the rest – an echo –
the `eye` may disappear.

~.~

Much Love,
Jade and Will

———————-
27 Dec 2013

My wife, you might have noticed, is my soul.
She loves me more than I could ever know.
She shows me every now and then
how things just really feel. It`s not all clear
and not all simple –
she`s wiser than what one might think.
She doesn`t speak – just shows me – glimpses.
She makes me cry like i`ve been broken –
i`ll cry my eyes out in a second
(`cause now I know, she`s not a joke!)
and at the same time tickles me inside my head
and make me laugh so hard –
my lungs might crack.
My Jade`s amazing,
how else could I ever tell you –
what`s my birth, my puberty and old age –
all compiled emotions in a fraction of a second.
Sometimes Love just makes me wonder –
where is time and who`s my face?
My body and the space I take up –
here and now –
is not a place.
But yet – a state.
A choice.
It changes every second.
And doesn`t matter what I want.
What matters is –
it needs acceptance!

love and joy!

from
Will

~.~

———————-
27 Dec 2013

interesting story, loves…
the other day, my husband Will told me I was perfect…
and ever since, that`s been messing with my head somehow…
I`ve been like… pffff Will…have you not MET ME YET???
It makes me smile somehow, it`s flattering…
but…
come on…
PERFECT?

Let`s be honest here a sec…
Need I still remind you of the fact
that I am human?
Are you not?
(I know his answer, of course, I can hear his thoughts ,
that hasn`t changed either!
…
that`s what love does to humans! )

~.~

So here it goes, Love,
`cause you asked.
My flaws.
I am not perfect, but at least I`m honest.
(…and this time I will get prepared for a divorce… :-S
I think I`ll disappoint him…)
…
I`m inconsiderate and I’m addictive.
And I’m too enjoying of my solitude,
yet co-dependent, I just care too much somehow.
I`m controversial!!!
In some cases – ignorant,
yet curious, I crave to know…
I see down through the layers sometimes,
and sometimes I just simply do not care.
I am helpless in a way, my ego`s big.
And at other times it`s gone, I’m less than me.
And sometimes I enjoy a woman`s touch(!),
I need my freedom all the time
yet I must strive to give it,
even if I want to.
I want my man to be the same as me
but also absolutely different.
I want too much at times
and give too little…
and sometimes it`s the other way around.
Maybe I’m just selfish or unfaithful…
Maybe I just care too much…
(but not for me!)
Maybe I’m a giver-upper…
Maybe I’m a dreamer,
(sometimes for you it could be too much…)
Maybe I’m a sinner or a saint,
or maybe I am both!
Or maybe I just couldn`t care.
Or maybe I’m just stubborn
and I live in my own way –
my own present, my own here and now…
Maybe I`d refuse a teacher,
for no one ever coped to see my soul.
Maybe all I need is reach out
for someone who would never want to let me go…
Sometimes I’ll just need a lover,
sometimes I’ll just need a friend…
But for certain I will need a man –
empathic in his bones – enough to
hear my needs, without me having to explain.
Maybe I’m just too demanding
or submissive.
Or just toxic.
Or a rogue, and I might eat your powers.
Maybe all I need is just for once –
relationship that doesn`t kill me.
Maybe I just shouldn`t let it anymore.
Maybe I’m just weak or latent.
Or maybe I’m too strong of female.
That`s not well accepted,
me – outsider,
or perhaps (some say) an outlaw…
Maybe I just crave a human`s touch,
`cause I’m too lonely…
Maybe I’m a loner and don`t need no other men.
Maybe I’m too fragile
or for some – too much to handle.
Maybe I’m too little or irrelevant…
Maybe I’m just too much me at times.
Or maybe just naive.
And you don`t know me yet…
I am desperately impatient and I’m weird,
socially quite awkward and I tend to cling.
And if you wanna know what grumpy means,
meet me when I’ve gained some weight
(like now for instance!).
I have trouble with committing
and reject my own desires.
Sometimes I forget to feed me or to wash my clothes,
my mind expires.
Sometimes I neglect all else!
Sometimes I eat only bread for days!
Sometimes I might get emotional, depressed
and there`s nothing you can do about it…
I`m a loner and my second chakra`s out of order.
As a whole, I am the biggest controversy that I know…
and sometimes I eat only bread for days.
My mind`s a nonsense but at least my heart is pure.
And my life`s a Deja-vu.
Emotionally I’m a masochist – that`s not the first time.
And the reason is not always you!
I cannot lie, I do not want or need to,
there`s almost nothing that I’d like to hide.
And I do have expectations, but I`m still at peace.
I`m content.
And I`m capable of so much,
yet I do depend on time!
I`m the quickest learner, but as well –
a fast forgetter.
Nothing could disturb my peace.
I am so imperfect, love,
i`ll make you wonder:
`How`d I get involved in all of this?`
And so it is…
There`s no one that could ever answer.
Maybe it`s because you`re me.
Or maybe it`s because you`re you.
I`m me.
We`re us – both true.
Or maybe it`s because love doesn`t ask,
and doesn`t care
who`s me, who`s you,
what`s who?
I love my life so much!
And LOVE IS PERFECT!!!
And this we know, Love,
LOVE IS TRUE!

~.~

And if after this you still think that I`m perfect,
then CONGRATULATIONS,
you just earned yourself
a perfect wife,
who`ll ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!!

Love and shining glitter sparkles of magic worm-holes,
~j

———————-
28 Dec 2013

~ Hello, my lovelies,
Jade and Will!!!

Good morning or good afternoon or whatever time it is i have no idea!
I just came back from my Saturday-brunch with the Snake.

I think she might have saw you today in the Woods.
At least it sounded like that.

She told me a little story
and I`d like to share it with you…
(I hope that doesn`t count as gossip, you know I don`t like gossip).

Anyway, here`s the story:
(The Snake`s words)

~.~

And there…
I crawl now down below within the mist,
I am the serpent and about to find myself.
I curl and twist. A flash of speed – it`s all a second.
I feel the ground, the moisture and the smellssss.
The whole environment`s inside me.
I’m at the shore now, dive in through the water,
a dragon-monster who`s about to surface.
I see her swimming, summoning me
with her soundless prayers.
And I take her, lift her to the skies –
the clouds – magnificence within no order –
all colors of the worlds collide beneath the morning air.
We swirl while merging in pure love and trust.
I show her the big picture as she rides me –
panoramas that could take her breath.
I’ll take her back now – feeding her desires.
To the shore, the lake, all full of water flowers.
The mist has lifted, sun-rays shining
through the morning clouds.
And as she leaves my side and she continues
a man would join her, now she reaches for him.
He was standing there and watching – the observer.
He had searched for her and found her,
deep within these forests of her dreams.
She emerges now from deepest waters –
a mirage to him – she takes his hand
and guides him with her –
a lotus flower sings their names –
all-starry purple chains.
The Universe is smiling.
I watch them leaving now, they`re getting further,
but our connection will remain.
I close my eyes and feel the mountains they will walk upon.
I see the breeze, I smell the sunset with its reds and pinks.
I sense them kiss.
My heart is finally at peace.
My God and Goddess found each other and connected –
and I can feel it now – my first remise.
I am the serpent.
And my soul is finally at peace.

~.~

And that`s it!
To be honest, I have never seen the snake so calm.
I think she liked you, guys!

Greetz and have a wonderful day,
Wapiti Joe & co

———————-
28 Dec 2013

Good night, Will, my Love!
I wish you peaceful dreams, dear!

And I hope you never forget that I can feel you as if you`re my head and my body…
I feel your pain and your worries, they`re mine.
I feel your joy and happiness…
It`s like I can see through your eyes and touch through your hands…
What you feel in your heart is what I feel in mine…
Your consciousness is my consciousness…

I can and will forgive you anything, love!
I know you`d do the same for me and so far you always have…

We are ONE!!!

THIS LOVE
in our hearts
could not be extinguished
by simple human mistakes.

THIS LOVE
in our hearts
is the purest
and will remain this way.

I REFUSE
to interfere
with your freedom of choice.

But I want you to know,
that the moment we see each other again
and kiss,
you`ll be kissing
the happiest human being
in this or any other worlds.

And I want you to know,
that you cannot hurt me,
because my heart is full of LOVE!
And I know yours is too!
Because my heart is your heart!

LOVE
is
all
there
is
!!!

And I want you to know,
that I will love you
no matter what.
I always have.

Sweet dreams, baby!
YOU are
always on my mind!

love,
~j

———————-
31 Jan 101

a long long time ago,
in a galaxy far away…

(Jade Wonderstone at the age of 3)

31. Dezember 2013