Autor: Denitsa Angelova

~

I was doomed and saved by meeting you. I fell in love way too deep way too quickly. But damn it, how could have I known that you didn’t feel it. How could have known I didn’t occupy your thoughts all the time for the next three years like you did mine. How could have I known I wasn’t the reason for the shortness in your breaths, nor for you blushing just by thinking of me. I could have sworn it was so intense, the most intense connection I had ever felt or heard of. You blew my mind right there on the spot. The perfect timing in the crowd, everything led me to you. The talking, the neck kisses, everything. I swear the time had stopped. Like I was a teenager again and it was the first time I was falling in love. So intense. How could have I known that you didn’t go crazy looking for me under stone and tree like I did. How could I possibly think you would want to find me so insanely that you would mistake your wife’s eyes for mine, that you would see my face in hers, that you’d believe you’ve found me just so that you grant your mind some peace. How could I be so stupid to believe you won’t fall in love with another for years, like I couldn’t fall in love, no matter how hard the other men were trying, how perfect they led me to believe they were. How blind must I be to think you were getting the same overwhelming vibes in my presence as I did each time I saw you. Every time my heart started pounding I thought it was you, loving me back. How foolish of me. I must be the most naive person ever to have lived on this planet, because I really believed it was mutual. I found pieces of you everywhere and tried to put it all into place, to make this love story whole, to justify my insanity. But I couldn’t. I stand here, confused, still at the edge and trying to let go. Forcing myself to forget you as if I was about to cut my veins open. And I am still unable to grasp it. How could it be? How could you not feel it? I cannot recognize myself anymore, my mind, my thoughts, my breaths – I find you everywhere and I don’t even want to search anymore. I want it to stop. I want to know what it was… Damn it. Madness? Obsession? A demon maybe? What is this and why does it have such a hold on me? No reason or explanation. My mind has reached its limits. It must have been a heart’s thing. It must have been love. And I was the victim.

~

The sunrays are dancing with
the particles of dust and
all I can think of is how
I wish I’d give them all to you.

~

I fell in love with fragments of your smile.
I fell in love with the warmth of your heart.
I fell in love with your every disguise.
I fell in love with the tears in your eyes.
I fell in love with the amenity between us.
And I loved you deeply.
Until the ambiguity of your feelings
was forever engraved on the tomb of my love.

~

I am terrified to meet you. I am truly terrified of the silence and of the way my brain seems to block out every time I see you, and my throat freezes to protect me of shouting out those awkward words, spilling my feelings all over the floor and falling apart in your feet. Because all I ever wanted to know from you is if you would like to spend the rest of your life with me… All that I want is to know if you will let me love you in good and bad, through heaven and hell because damn it I swear to you now, and I will swear it again and at every given moment… I love you with all of my heart. I loved you since the beginning and I will love you until the end. And if you feel this way too, I promise you, there is no force that could ever bring us apart, because I will find you again in every dimension and time, and I will love you still.

~

Even though you’re far away,
I can see you through the eyes
of the angels watching over you.
And I am perfectly happy
just knowing you’re asleep,
safe and calm,
in the stillness of your surroundings.

~

Fear is supposed to protect me
To help me stay alive
But the fear of losing you
Feels so much like I’ve already died
Because it reminds me that 
You can only lose what you had
And I never wanted to have you like this
Not in a dream.
Not as a lie.

~

There are symbols and signs hidden behind every word,

every letter,

every number

or color

or face.

There is a meaning inside every song,

every door,

even the dust…

Life is a chain of interpretations

and the only quest is to discover

which are the calls of the universe

to follow your path

and which are your thoughts

provoked

by the stories fear keeps on telling you.